Olympia "Mountain"

Mountain is in quotes as it's only 2968'. However if you start from 700' and do a steep climb it's an excellent training hike. Olympia Mountain is in the rear section of Mt. Diablo State Park. It's a much more obscure part of the park and finding the trailhead off Marsh Creek Rd. at all was a challenge.

Not only that, but I was able to address some up the climbing/descending issues I've been having and learned something important. I still don't really like going downhill on dirt - it's pretty dull even when I'm able to descend steep slopes safely and pain free.

I went up the less steep way as I wasn't familiar with the route so I didn't know how ridiculous the trail might get (turned out, it would have been fine.) Even the less steep way was challenging. Ascending this time I didn't push myself into anaerobic gasping but instead stayed at a ground covering but reasonable pace. When I had climbed 1100' I stopped and ate some and that helped avoid any energy depletion or crashing. Then I was able to complete the steep ascent.

My original intention was to go up to North Peak, but once I got to Olympia I realized that it was important for me to figure out how to safely descend and I wanted to do that while I still had some energy, plus I had a dinner commitment. In summer the trails/fireroads in this area are dry and gravely and the footing is treacherous for me (see photo which is looking up a hill). I have slipped and fallen many times to the point where before I found the Micro Spikes that I wouldn't hike in summer.

I had brought my Micro Spikes, and had my new Vasque boots since the Keens are not able to protect my ankles from twists on steep descents, and of course I had my trekking poles (the Black Diamond ones). And since I wasn't exhausted I also had the all important ability to pay close attention to where I was stepping, and to my body position to make sure I wasn't leaning backwards.

It all came together and worked beautifully. I was able to go down trails that I simply would not have been able to. And there were at least two times where I would have twisted an ankle but the Vasques prevented it. The trade off is that there is much less cushioning with the Vasques and my hips are telling me about it (the day after), but that is much better that a screwed up ankle.

So I did it. I have successfully addressed most of the issues that I've been having around hiking save perhaps the important at altitude one. And with all that now taken care of in my mind I've able to see more clearly the real issue. Descending on foot on dirt is really dull. Your goal is usually to climb something and the descent is just what's left over. you're usually tired so it's often the riskiest part of the climb and your head just isn't in it (which makes it more dangerous and more accident prone.)

What makes the descent more interesting? Skiing, biking, glissading, rapelling - maybe paragliding though I've never tried it. Even using snowshoes on snow makes it more fun. Dirt is well, dirt.

So this winter, I'm going to be focusing on learning to be the best skiier I can be and learning backcountry skiing as well. I'm going to be spending a lot of time at Squaw as they have lessons of all levels every hour and there's this small detail of it being an Olympic site so you know the mountain is well regarded.


I'm going to be consulting again with mountaineering trainer Courtnay Schurman of Body Results but I think instead of focusing on trying to summit Shasta I think I want her to help me train for skiing. I'm going to be up visiting my parents in Seattle where she is and I'll meet with her in person.

So this was a surprisingly instructive little training climb as it's helped my get better focused. Of course in a week this may all change but this is something I've been working out in my head for a while now. The niggling problems were bugging me and I'm glad I've come up with solutions that work for me and it's an important lesson for me that unresolved issues drive me up the wall.

I still haven't given up on summiting Shasta, but I think I want to have more skiing skills first. I will also go back to Whitney as I still haven't stood a top it (even though I've done the hardest part of the climb twice now) and that's something I'm willing to suffer a little for. But I'm going to refrain from taking on very many hard Sierra climbs on dirt as I can only tolerate a few obsessions at a time. :)

And yes I did finally find my car. The trails at the start are confusing and not as well marked as I would like.

Oh and I've sure I've done this before but I really need to rant about the Mt. Diablo trail signage. Trails are sign posted like you're driving on the freeway. They're labeled where you going to, not where you are. That's totally confusing. A hiker wants to know if they're in the right place, then the may want to know about directionals. An example is to the left, You are not on North Peak Trail. You are actually on Mt Olympia Trail (see the teeny tiny printing at the top of the sign) and you are headed in the direction of North Peak Trail and you will get there in 1.35 miles. Confusing yes?

The local UCC church fights back

In the "you started it" tradition, the local UCC church First Congregational Church, United Church of Christ (which is very open and embracing of diversity) has put up a huge No-On-8 banner and is helping its members order No-On-8 signs. I was tipped off about this as the signs started to crop up in my neighborhood and I asked about it. I was just driving by on Central to go to work which is a slightly different route than I usually take and saw the banner so went back when I had a camera.

Oh an I spoke to another member and she tells me that the two guys that put up the banner: are heterosexual.

I normally think that churches should not be involved in politics, but given that the Mormon and Catholic Churches are pretty much trying to buy yes-on-8, this seems more than appropriate. Kudos from a non-Christian.

The effect of the behavior of strangers

So I take classes at my gym, and I often see the same people all the time. Generally it's "hi how are you" typical kind of acquaintance relationship sort of thing, but sort times I see a behavior that stands out and it catches my attention. There's a woman who I see a lot who talks a lot to some of the other people in the class but will speak maybe two words to me if I ask her a question or say hello. This time she set up the bike next to me and didn't say word one which is not atypical of someone you've never seen before, but we've seen each other for more than a year, so it felt really weird.

What do I represent to her? She doesn't know me, so it's very likely nothing I've done.
I have no idea of her sexuality so I have no idea if that plays into it at all. I feel like I've walked into a play and haven't been given the lines or even the plot. Forcing the issue wouldn't accomplish anything and this is not a relationship I need at all, but not knowing still bugs me, so I write it here.

It's a good exercise for my ego to realize that I don't have to interact with every single person, and not every person wants to interact with me. Believe it or not I used to be painfully shy, so maybe I'm over compensating by wanting to talk to lots of people. I like commanding attention now and am good talking in front of people.

It's funny what buttons being deliberately ignored pushes for me. Suddenly I was back in Jr High with the popular kids paying no attention to me at all. I write this now as a way to learn to step back and not be so frustrated by it. Let people be who they want to be as long as it's not hurting anyone else.

The other button is the "lonely in a crowd" one. Where you're surrounded by people, but they're not talking. The other day I heard a description of casual carpooling where there is an unspoken rule that people in the carpool do not interact with each other. Sounds like a personal hell for me. I would be running the carpool where everyone talks and heck with conventions. (I don't really have a commute since my work is close, so I've never done it.)

My brother and sister moved out of the house while I was pretty young. I spent a lot of time by myself and it has left me permanently weird about it. I can and do spend time by myself (I often climb by myself as it's hard for me to find someone who hikes or bikes at my pace), but I can only do it for so long and then I start missing Terri, friends, and the dogs.

One reason I love dog agility is that it's so inherently social, but even starting out in that was tough as I didn't know people well. The cool thing about the sport is that you train in classes so you get to know your classmates, and for an agility trial to happen at all, they need a lot of volunteers and most of the jobs involve social interaction. It's a blast.

But I can't help but wonder if there's something I've done to offend this woman. The answer is likely that the only thing I've done is resemble some person or type to her (I can come off a bit "hard core cyclist" sometimes, but she's pretty good at RPM too so I don't know). I need to let this go. Show kindness and give her space, and not try to force anything. This is not about me.

from a brave friend in Kern County

Cool, I have other people writing my blog entries for me. This is from Celia who lives with her partner (now wife) in Kern County. As you might imagine, Kern County is not exactly a hotbed of glbt rights. It's a place I visit to go hiking/climbing in the Sierra's but I would never, ever live there. To call her brave is way understating things.

---

I was at the river today and in a state of painful exhaustion, I broke down and cried. All the ignorant and hateful energy behind prop8 just sent me to my knees in utter and complete agony. And, of course,Nature performed her healing magic. Some things are too personal to write and some things are meant to be shared NOW. I flashed on the time I was confronted by a group of skinheads, how I saw beyond the hate and saw instead a scared group of kids. Imagine that, kids with chains and clubs were afraid of me! I did a Peaceful Warrior breathing technique and visualized them moving along peacefully. It worked. Flash to the last time I saw my father on this earth, him hobbling on the beach with a cane. At first I was in panic as he was walking my direction( it had been several years since I last saw him)then an unexpected and amazing thought came to me"It's not your job" what? I snapped out of my panic attack. "It's not your job to hate him. It's not your job to punish him". I became invisible to him as he walked right past me and the monster I grew up with was just a little old man with a hat and cane. Later in a vision, I saw him as a scared kid putting his drunk, alcoholic father to bed and dealing with his mother who was nick named"crazy Hazel".At one time I fantasized about doing a "go to hell" dance on his grave, I now found myself leaving a "Thank You" note instead.He was a scared kid.Flash to me several years ago, attending Westmont(christian collage) and again, in sheer and utter desperation, begging to die and contemplating speeding the process along.I was trying to change my feelings about the possibility of being Gay. The church people had prayed over me to rid me of the "demon of homosexuality", and, as I was extremely uncomfortable with strangers touching me with strange energy, I found a way out. I did the best performance of my life and acted like I was "slain in the spirit", falling to the ground and babbling, which they took as "speaking in tongues". It worked. they backed off feeling certain that I was "healed and now heterosexual". Still at collage, I was in a "support" group where, among other odd things, a counselor checked in with me to make sure I was not "falling into temptation" by masturbating.(creepy!!!!!!!!!!) Other young women were in the group and we were given the names of famous men who were cute. the fact that they had to TELL us who was cute should have given us a clue that heterosexuality was not natural for us!Again, I flashed on these people. Again they were scared.I flashed on growing up with unspeakable abuse at the hands of both parents, one man, one woman, heterosexual and "christian". I flashed on being in a good therapy group and listening to men who were abused by catholic priests only to be told to be quiet. I flashed on a time when I taught teaching credential students how to detect abuse in children. A woman told me that, as I was telling my story, she flashed on a girl in her preschool, reported suspected abuse and was right. The little girl was protected, given therapy and is doing well, the perpetrator in jail. I flashed on how different that little girls life will be because of that intervention and everything I had gone through now had a purpose. Knowing that I have helped at least one child makes the struggle worth while. Flash to now, prop 8.

I confess that there have been times when I have not been the "Peaceful Warrior" but the "Pissed Off Warrior", flipping certain hand signals at "yes on 8" signs and endlessly arguing with narrow minded bigots who spout off the "evils of the homosexual lifestyle" ad nasium.To many nights I have awakened to arguing with these stupid people who just won't listen to reason. I've been sick and painfully tired. Another flash, when I was one of those condescending, holier than thou narrow minded bigots. I went to church since before conception and was trained to fear anything that was different.I was scared.My spiritual path has taken me on many adventures and I've done more soul searching than there are words to speak. I have been to "hell" and, I have been to "heaven". Many of these experiences are just to amazing to put into words so I won't go there. What I will say is that I know who I am and I AM OKAY!!!!!!!!!!My spiritual health is great and it has nothing to do with anything written in a book. So, I don't care what religious people spout off about. They are afraid.I have compassion for them. So, I am reminded to bring back the Peaceful Warrior, see beyond the hate and love those who appear to be my enamies.Flash on Wayne Dyer and Marianne Willamson talks. When I pass a "yes on 8" sign, I say "In spite of my feelings, I send you love".  I feel better.

My spiritual path is my own and I know what I mean by prayer, God etc. I'm not into the bearded guy in the sky thing but I respect whatever path anyone is on as well as there being no path. I can only suggest that we ban together for the good of our world and make our part of the world a little bit better. For me, I go to nature. I am soooooooo grateful to be so close to the creek and river. Also, I'm soooooo grateful to have my theatre families in Ridgecrest and now in Bako. I can't imagine going through this without these wonderful people! And, of course, my dog Scodie who provides endless comic relief. Flash again to when "GOD" showed up in a "dream". God was a DOG and answered all my questions. I look in the eyes of dogs and I do see God. Makes perfectly good sense to me!

I love you all and I send you dignity and respect. Lets hope that everyone can send the same to us, or, at least, a majority of CA voters. I have my shields up against anything other than good energy and send out only good energy.

I have written some letters to papers to try to encourage grey matter activity. While I'm not great with the computer, I'll do my best to send them.

Take care and know that there are some good forces at work. If you need a comic relief, find a dog or watch Ellen [Degeneres]!

Love Celia

Consider Voting Absentee

I previously wrote that I liked to vote at the polls as I liked to feel I was taking part in the process and it always annoyed me that the Absentee ballots were counted last if at all.

I heard very recently that nearly half of California voters would vote absentee, and that combined with the absurd number of initiatives that are on the ballot it makes sense. (I hate the initiative process - do I look like a legislator? is my job description Legislator? Most initiatives that are not put there by the legislature are placed there to steer around the legislature and manipulate the public. Beyond irksome.)

With a sample ballot, you can sit down in front of the computer and do some research on http://smartvoter.org or other site and ponder the implications of arcane legal language even if it is summarized. Normally I would then tote that into the polls, but with so many things to vote on, I fear making a mistake and stakes are just too important in this election to screw it up, so last night I carefully transferred the information to a real ballot and mailed it in.

Note to Calif Voters. That humongous ballot weighs 1.1 oz and will cost you 59 cents to mail. I'm sure they'll take it postage due, but who wants to take that kind of chance? 11pm: THIS JUST IN - Most counties have an agreement with the post office to deliver ballots even if they are short of postage - ref.

For voters in contested states where voter disenfranchisement is rampant, voting by mail is a very effective way to sidestep the crap about all the voting machines for the polling place save one are broken and you'll have to wait for hours. Plus voting by mail means no voting machine to magically switch your Obama vote to McCain (I forget the ref - think it was on dailykos, but I'm not sure.)

However you do it, be sure to vote. My preference is you vote Democrat of course.

Cautiously hopeful.

The Most Passionate No On 8 People are: Heterosexual

I've had five (now over 10) or more conversations with heterosexual (all women) friends about prop 8. And they all tell me how angry it gets them. "It's a civil right." (Meaning not up for debate at all.) They are all married or have been married or are about to get married and are so happy for my partner and I being able to get married and they are all taking the yes on 8 stuff very personally. I am so deeply touched by their passion. It's funny how you get when your relationship and orientation are not taken seriously. You get used to the institutional discrimination as fact and feel privileged to finally be allowed to get married.

And I must admit to having Eeyore moments some times in the "Oh, they're going to take it away again. Oh well." Even though I would be profoundly disappointed if 8 passed, as it means a lengthy delay while we wait for the demographics to continue shifting in our favor as they already are, so the Calif Constitution could be reamended (Calif constitution is amended and reamended all the time so, while it's a pain, there's nothing written in stone about it at all.). But I'm digressing. My point is that you get used to discrimination and you kind of expect it. I've lived in the Bay Area for 15 years and it's been so refreshing to not be treated like a second class citizen, but I'm always aware that a large part of middle American would rather see me dead or at least not there.

Heterosexuals don't feel that discrimination, yet my friends are very aware of directed at the glbt community, and since they have not had the experience of being discriminated against, it makes them really angry to see us treated in this less than human way. Where us glbt folks (I'm a monogamous bisexual actually though I don't worry about such details in the fray of prop 8) are too used to it. I need them to feel the righteous indignation that I've had beaten (not literally, fortunately) out of me.

I am profoundly grateful for our heterosexual allies.

Classmates.com - Social Extortion

Classmates.com is an evil, evil good idea. I am firmly in their clutches and I'm not sure what to do about it. Signing up is free, entering some of your info is free, reading other people's info is free. You can see who else has signed up. This is all cool, BUT if you try to communicate, they want money (pay to play if you will). i thought I was safe as I never tried to use the service to communicate, but instead made a note of the person and resolved to use another method to find them (i.e. Google, online phone books, ...)

But there's something I hadn't planned on. Someone who I went to school with is trying to communicate with me. Classmates will cheerfully send me the email, but as soon as I click on it I get a message (see image left) that basically says: if you want to read this email from Sue (her first name) pay up. They are evil in that they carefully tell me exactly who(first name, last name) is trying to send the mail and it's someone I knew. I can just hear the subtextual: "neener, neener, neener, gotcha." Which I believe the proper response is "Yoooou bahstards!" :)

It is someone I actually am curious about and I do want to see how she's doing. I'm likely going to give in on this, but not without some public whining about it here.

The problem with finding her using other methods is that her last name is common in that area (Google is finding me all sort of incorrect people), and if she's at all like she was in HS, she won't be very technical or have much findable presence on the internet, and she probably won't know how to find me - which isn't that hard at all. But I've been surprised before and she is using classmates.com. The cool thing is that at least classmates will tell me her name and if she changed it and she hasn't. She was gay when I knew her so no name change is no surprise and despite my being very used to people who question their sexuality, I can't imagine her deciding that her orientation is different, but then again she's in her 40's now and I can't imagine that either.

Obligatory No on Prop 8 Entry

The Yes on Prop 8 folks have started their deceptive advertising, so I grudging am writing about politics again.

The TV ad shows a clip of Gavin Newsom saying the [same-sex marriage] floodgates are open and you better get used to it (that's a paraphrase). That's supposed to scare us? Oh, that's right I am hardly the intended audience here given that my same-sex partner are now married. I swear if it wasn't for Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda we'd be public enemy #1 in some people's eyes.

Anyway the claim is that 4 judges went against the will of the people. Er, hello, the California Legislator approved same-sex marriage twice. Gov. Schwarzenegger vetoed it saying that he wanted the courts to decide. And sure enough the courts did decide and he certainly if fine with it and opposes Prop 8 saying that it's a "waste of time" and that there are more important things to worry about (such as a tanking economy).

So it's not just 4 judges, by a long shot. During the time in between when Prop 22 was approved (which was a very specific prop and not constitutional amendment - and I'm not going to look it up) and now, a whole bunch of younger people have reached voting age. Many of our youth have grown up knowing non-hertero people and don't see the big deal. Granted, there is still the thriving let's beat up queers section, but there appears to be a sea change in perspective (and I can't find the excellent sfgate article discussing the phenomena).

And the real heros here are some amazing heterosexuals. Gavin Newsom of course, but also Jerry Brown, our attorney general, who changed the wording of the proposition to say that what it specifically would do: that it would eliminate the right of same sex partners to marry (ref.), as opposed to something more general and flowery about defining marriage blah blah blah.

I just read that Jerry Brown says that Prop 8 is not retroactive and that those of us who are already married will still be married. Let's hope that remains irrelevant.

Respectfully Submitted,
Your Political Football

We Survived Getting Married in the Backyard

It really happened. We got married. And things actually worked very smoothly.

It took a lot of planning and key help from 2 friends Mark and Jan who agreed to be the wedding coordinators for the day and my sister who did the photography. And a lot of luck was involved. The weather was perfect, the only leaf blower on was way down the street (I had talked to my next door neighbors about the timing), the train that brought Terri's family over from Elk Grove was basically on time.

One unexpected thing that happened was that a cat snuck into the house because we had the back door open. Half way through the ceremony, Yoshi, the more nervous of my dogs, was in his crate and started barking furiously. Jan went in and he settled down. What I didn't realize was going on was there was some elaborate cat herding going on that involved a lot of closing and opening of doors. Thank you Jan.

We decided to have Trek our other dog be the ring bearer, and the risk was what was she going to do in that strange situation. She has an excellent recall, but I wasn't sure what to expect. She was perfect and brought the rings to us and then of course started to melt into the ground ("I want to stay with Mom") when I handed her back to Mark, but he picked her up and she was fine (she earned lots of treats for her trouble.)

After the ceremony, we then went to close by Ching Hua restaurant where we had preordered a whole bunch of appetizers and they could order whatever drink they wanted (sans coffee), which folks really liked since they didn't have to think about what to order and since they were appetizers if they didn't like one they could just wait for the next one.

Then we went back to the house for cake (a yummy dolled up chocolate mousse cake from local baker Boniere Bakery) and drinks.

It all worked and I didn't excessively cry during the ceremony and Terri and I were able to hold it together (Mike's advice of when in doubt slow down, really worked) and read our vows to each other outloud (and people loved the vows which was very touching to hear) and then repeat the traditional lines back that Mike (who was marrying us) said. I sometimes had to force myself to focus as I was marveling so much that it was all really happening.

Now to see what happens in the November election. With any luck we'll still be married, and will be planning some very large parties (since the ceremony was small). Oh and the cool thing about having the ceremony small was that you could treat them all very, very well.

We really are Getting Married in the Backyard

In July, Terri suggested we get married in the backyard which set in motion much angsting and activity (documented here in painful detail). Well, the ceremony is tomorrow, and as I look at the yard I marvel at what our patch of dirt has become. It's a real backyard now. The dogs in particular love the grass (rolling in it and chewing on it) when they're not tearing it up by rough housing on it. (It's established now, but still relatively fragile as it hasn't had time to develop that Tall Fescue turf toughness yet so it's actually much more pleasant to walk around on right now.)

Plus we got a lot of flowers first as plants and today I got a whole bunch of cut ones to make flower arrangements. I've discovered that if you have any artistic eye, that flower arranging is really easy to do.

And our friends and family have been so supportive mostly emotionally, but also helping out with all sort of things (even though we're deliberately keeping it to a very small almost entirely just family ceremony - with a look to a large party come November after the election.)

Now I just have to keep my head together enough to get dressed and made up tomorrow and try to keep the dogs from going completely nuts with 8 other people in the house.

Before:



Today:



Flowers:

The Ex-Homecoming Queen's Has a Gun

OMG I love Julie Brown and her novelty songs especially [Everybody Run] The Homecoming Queens Has a Gun. She's on The Stephanie Miller Show this morning and it turns out she's rerecorded the song to be about Sarah Palin: The Ex-Homecoming Queen's Has a Gun (The Girl-VP has a Gun).

It is a scream. Unfortunately I can't find Julie Brown on iTunes.

GOP chooses Sarah Palin and insults all of us

I've been avoiding writing about Sarah Palin for 2 weeks now hoping it would all blow over, but it keeps getting worse, and Move On is encouraging us all to write letters to the editor. I'll just consider this my letter to the editor.

So much has been said about Palin that it's hard to be original. She keeps proving over and again that she is completely out of step with current knowledge. She still thinks Global Warming is not human caused. She still believes that Iraq had something to do with 9/11. She's anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-evolution and thinks it's fun to shoot animals purely for sport (I'm not bothering with references - I trust you can look it up).

She was chosen not because of any qualifications, but instead purely on idealogy and because she's a nice looking woman. Never mind that this royally insults every Hillary Clinton fan, but honestly Palin is who should be insulted. Instead she doesn't mind being used - if there's something in it for her. What does that make her? Radio commentator Randi Rhodes would call her a whore for that (this isn't a letter to the editor so I get to write that, but there are plenty of men who do that as well so there has to be a better (but equally judgemental term let's hope) way to say it.)

One thing that scares me about Palin is one that is just now being touched on. If someone in her administration disagrees with her, she immediately tries to fire them. That may sort of work in small government (though it backfired on her twice - one with trying to get the librarian to consider banning books and the other with Troopergate), but every private enterprise CEO who turns to politics (not that she's ever being a CEO by any stretch of any imagination) has to learn the lesson that you can't do that with elected officials, you have to learn to negociate and compromise - that's politics. This more than a lot of things really underscores how woefully unprepared she is for life in the big leagues.

Call me prejudiced, but I want my presidental candidate to be a brilliant law professor who also does social activism and who is a caring parent, not a power mad, gun toting hockey parent and PTA member who doesn't believe in evolution and plainly isn't that bright.

I just heard that Obama has shattered fundraising records for August. Yahoo! I do so want this to be a decisive, landslide victory.

A friend just sent me the link to Women Against Palin which has a great video of the various signs that were at a recent rally. My favorite is: This Insults Pitbulls.

More Wedding Writing

There were two more portions of the wedding ceremony I needed to think about.
One is a special greeting that I wanted to be said by either Mike or I (haven't decided who yet).

Thank you all for coming today, both Terri and Ellen are deeply honored that you have chosen to join them in their marriage celebration. You are here in a ordinary backyard for a relatively uncomplicated wedding, but you are also taking an extraordinary part in history. This event simply could not have happened as recently as 3 1/2 months ago. They are grateful for your support and know that you will be with them regardless which way the legal and political winds blow. Thank you all very, very much.

The other is an optional reading. After going through several, briefly thought about writing something and decided that was too much work and far too presumptuous (it's more commonly a recognizable quote), I came across a great Diane Ackerman excerpt whose work I have admired before. It makes me smile. Though I did cut the quote off a line early as she talks about diatoms in the next line and I couldn't quite parse how small razor sharp little chips had to do with love and decided I didn't want me or anyone else in the audience pondering that.

from A History of Love by Diane Ackerman

“Love. What a small word we use for an idea so immense and powerful. It has altered the flow of history, calmed monsters, kindled works of art, cheered the forlorn, turned tough guys to mush, consoled the enslaved, driven strong women mad, glorified the humble, fueled national scandals, bankrupted robber barons, and made mincemeat of kings. How can love’s spaciousness be conveyed in the narrow confines of one syllable? Love is an ancient delirium, a desire older than civilization, with taproots spreading into deep and mysterious days."

Angsting about Vows

So yesterday we met with Mike, the person who is marrying us, to go over wedding details. The difficulty was that I wanted traditional vows and Terri wanted more original ones. I wanted traditional as I've spend more than 20 years being excluded from marriage and I want what I've been denied all these years.

Fortunately, Mike (a former priest who is now happily married) was terrific in reassuring us and laying out what the structure usually is while stressing how much flexibility there is. We finally decided with his help that we can do both. Have a non-traditional vow that we read to each other and then roll straight into the traditional vows. Sounds great but now I had to come up with something to say. Aaaaaa.

Fortunately Terri was nice about letting me stress all the while saying that it wasn't supposed to be a super stressful thing and that I could choose anything. I was flipping through various ideas and none seemed right. Then it finally occurred to me that if it didn't sound right then I already knew what I wanted to hear and I should just write it down.

Was that every a "Duh, of course silly" moment. Got a new window on the computer and started typing and had it in just a few minutes. A few more minutes of adding and rearranging and it was done. Maybe I am a writer (or just a good plagiarist).

Terri
I see the magic of your smile
and feel power of your gaze
I am awed by the brilliance of your mind
and charmed by your humor
and I know the love I feel for you is also
shared by you to me.

In this and in every setting
I give myself to you whole heartedly
With no regret or hesitation
To be a part of each others lives in marriage.

[traditional vows then follow]

Betrayed by Appetite and Metabolism

I've often been about 10 more pounds heavier than I needed to be and I've just sort of put up with it, but like many folks in their 40's, if I don't watch out, that number starts to creep upward.

So I decided that I wanted to at least lose the 10 pounds, so I would have a better margin if I got injured and couldn't exercise.

You would think that for an active person with a good diet this would not be so hard to do, but as just about anyone who's tried can tell you, it's very difficult to convince your body that yes indeed I want to burn that fat off. My body is programmed to be a certain size and it thinks it is life threatening to lose that padding, and convincing it otherwise just isn't really working.

So after trying many different (not radical - I've not really overweight) tactics, I've resorted to simply getting used to being hungry and not snacking in between meals and often not eating breakfast at all. I no longer trust my body's inclination to eat (unless I'm really, really hungry). My appetite is dialed into when I was younger and had a higher metabolism, and even with regular exercise that metabolism and appetite have not meshed. It's very difficult and not really maintainable, but it is sort of working. I'm part of the way there. Though I notice that if I give in for just a little bit the pounds go back on (though they seem to come off easier now too.)

I'm hoping to be further along on this before the holidays undo everything and I have to start over.

Wombats ride

Sat was the monthly Wombats ride (Women's Mountain Bike and Tea Society). It's billed as a mellow ride, but it's not (too much climbing to be mellow) but Jacquie has yet to come up with another description.

This is a climb/ride that I've now done 4 times. I can now do the climb without walking but I use my lowest gears which are really really low. The advantage of this is that I get to stay on the bike longer. The disadvatage is that other bikes (my bike is brand new this year) usually don't have this gear ratio and so their riders if they are able to turn the pedals at all, by necessity, go faster than me. Sure enough, I was told by one rider that she was a slow climber. And sure enough she rode away from me like I was just standing there. Sigh.

Irksome as it was, I was genuinely grateful that I was able to climb up the hill on my bike without needing to walk. There was some question there as I had a heart rate monitor on and my pulse started to climb up into the anaerobic range of 165. When that happened I did have to pause and walk a few feet (10 maybe) but my body recovered nicely and I was able to get back on. I want to work up to being able to climb in 3rd gear or so as that's about where the other bikes stop anyway. Since it's ok a bike, unlike climbing, this is something I can likely work on in a gym.

I saw a buck on the way back and I just paused for a while while he and I communed for a while (ok he ate). Annie rode back to check on me and once I pointed out the buck she in fun said we should embellish it to we saw a mountain lion take down an 8 point buck. I laughed, but said that I rooted for the deer in those cases.

On the way back I opted to go down the road where I could break speed limits without having to worry about crashing into a hiker. (Those trails are very popular.)

Unfortunately it was stinkin' hot which I really didn't notice until I got back to the car. I was fine on the drive back but the rest of the day and night was completely wiped out, which only seems to happen when I'm strenuously exercising on a hot day. All I wanted to do was lay in bed. My brain felt slow and well cooked and I could not keep my head up very long. It's a strange feeling.







On the way back down I opti

Setting Oneself Up To Fail

So I've been moping about this altitude thing since Sunday and it's taken me this long to realize that I had set myself up to fail (even though I actually did get up and back down the peak in mostly one rather miserable piece.)

It was a training hike and an experiment. I deliberately pushed my pace just to see what would happen, to find the limits, and I know from experience (which I had conveniently forgotten) that if I over-exert, I run out of oxygen and funny how everything stops working right then. This doesn't explain my difficulty on Shasta, but that may have been slightly incorrect training (or training that more included having to life my entire body weight.)

Being able to climb is fun and I tend to get carried away and go faster than I probably should. Part of the issue is that I tend to climb slower than others so I was enjoying being able to climb faster, and was trying to prove to myself that I could do it. (Sure, for a little while.)

It's tempting to redo the first part of the hike at a more moderate pace and see if I hit the wall at 7500'. My guess is that while I would probably slow down around that height, it wouldn't nearly be so dramatic. In particular, I should avoid forcing my muscles to work anaerobically (where they burn) while climbing as that may have been a factor.

Mostly I really need to stop persecuting myself about this. It's a challenge, not a character flaw - geez lighten up. I started to slip into the "Woe is me I never get to have things that are really important to me." Which is so not true.

This is all on hold till October as this Sat is a Wombats ride and the rest of the weekends in Sept should be spent prepping for our wedding.

Even though it may not help me much I am going to get an oximeter, as I love having hard data (like a heart rate monitor), and I judge myself less.

Advance Fee Scammer Reads an Autoreply

I've never seen such a thing before.

Bifriendly's (the bisexual social group that I run) email address was getting so much spam that I changed it and put an autoreply telling folks what the real address was (since spammers don't bother to read replies anyway.)

Well today the new address got its first email as a result of that auto-reply. It's from an Advance Fee Scammer. Ha!

But it gets better. The scam is about this wealthy xian convert who only has 4 months to live and wants to distribute her wealth to various religious groups and "she" located that email address from our website. Really? From a site dedicated to bisexuals and has no mention of any deity whatsoever? I think they did no such website visiting. But this person really did take the time to read an auto-reply and type in another email address and put [bifriendly] in the subject line as instructed. Wonder what they thought "bifriendly" meant?

I took the ill advised step of replying saying that I was amazed that an advance fee scammer bothered to read an auto-reply.

I need to send it on to abuse@yahoo.com (which I have done) Pity though - shame to shut such entertainment down, but these scammers can get dangerous and nasty in a hurry. I'll just have to blog about it instead. (No reply from the scammer yet.)

Ralston Peak

Where to start? Shall I chronnicle how I like/hate to torture myself or should I just write down what I set out to learn and learned instead. I'll go with the latter.

First of all the drive behind all of this is that I like to climb things. I like the physical challenge and I love the view that you don't see under any other circumstances. The bummer is that I've been having real challenges at altitude and I've been trying to figure out a way to deal with this. Also I have an awful lot in common with the kitty cat who climbs up the tree and doesn't know how to get down. Well sort of. I know how to get down I just find it a miserable, painful experience when on dirt (snow is better). If I could get a helicopter to pick me up I'd do it.

Sunday I climbed Ralston Peak (photo) which won the contest of 9000' mountains that are easy to get to (it's 9235') and semi-close to the Bay Area. The trailhead is located at Camp Sacramento on Highway 50, and took me just under 3 hours to drive there. It's a 4 mile hike in, though I wound up taking a use trail which shortened the distance, but was harder, so I went back the regular way.

I did this hike for fun and curiousity (never done it before) and to try to answer some questions about why I was having difficulty climbing. The trail starts at 6500' and climbs up to 8800' before turning off to climb the peak itself. The use trail peels off around 8200' and heads up. I started out at a very brisk climbing pace (around 2.6 mph) up a somewhat steep in places trail. I was doing great and was comfortably climbing at a pulse rate of 150-160. Then at some point in a steep section it climbed to the leg burning (anaerobic) rate of 165-170. I got through that and was ok but right around 7500' I hit a wall. Suddenly my muscles pretty much stopped working. Every step was a huge effort. What's weird was that I wasn't out of breath, and I wasn't sick. This was my experience on Shasta and it is nice to be able to replicate it fairly easily and inexpensively. This is what I came to wrestle with.

The one thing I wish I had was an oximeter to verify my theory. I've resisted getting one as well it's money and it's not like it would change my behavior and it's not really a training tool (though I may be able to turn it into one). I started to pressure breath where you take deeper breaths and forcefully exhale to get the old CO2 out of your lungs. Doing that helped and I was able to climb more but at a much more measured pace.

I came to a use trail and took it thinking it was the main trail but others thought it was and it wasn't until I was most of the way up that I could tell from my GPS that it wasn't as I was going straight up the south face and the main trail overshoots that face and goes up the less steep ridge. Now above 8000' and on a steeper non-maintained use trail, I am crawling, but had already decided that I wasn't going to stop as I'd just want to come back and, of course, I wanted to see the view from up top. Taking a break helped, but it was really frustrating watching some other hikers comfortably hike much faster. The other possibility was that it might be an endurance issue but at Shasta I'd had a night's sleep and was still slow so that doesn't seem likely.

I finally got to the top. The wind was howling and I own a huge debt of thanks to Patricia for introducing me to the Marmot Windshirt. With it I was comfortable up there and could even hang out and shoot a short video.

Then I had to hike down. The first part off the peak itself was surprisingly easy. What was hard was the long 3.5 mile slog down the steep climb with the big steps (gentle downhill is not a problem). I turned my ankle and fell and was worried about doing it again. I put on my spikes and that helped a lot and probably should have put them on much earlier. It was a struggle the whole way. Each step down took way more effort than it should have and I cried out of frustration at least once. My body was yelling at me: "why, oh why do you do this?" and I don't have a good answer for the downhill, especially downhill on dirt with big steps down (and I use trekking poles which makes it even possible.)

Good sense is telling me that I should limit most of my climbing to biking and skiing and snowshoeing (or at least hiking on snow - which is much nicer to fall on and I know how to stop "self arrest" if I fall on a snow slope), but this doesn't yet address the altitude problem. I'm nearly to the point of trying supplemental oxygen but that's not readily available.

Because I can't stop thinking about it, I ordered some more mountaineering books when I went there to order a different book. Silly but cheaper than getting hurt falling down a rocky slope.

Maybe I will get that oximeter or maybe I should just bring along that personal oxygen I already have.

But I'm not moving to Tahoe. I love it here and I'm closely identified with the ocean and large bodies of water.

If I do this again I'm just going to do up to where I slow down. That's only about 2 miles up so I would be relatively fresh coming down. Maybe after I get married - I'm still sore from this one - need time to forget and that hasn't happened yet.

[later]
Did some google research and found plenty of evidence that altitude can have a very significant effect on muscle fatigue. Here's one ref.

http://jap.physiology.org/cgi/content/abstract/85/4/1448?maxtoshow=&HITS=10&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT=&fulltext=altitude&andorexactfulltext=and&searchid=1&FIRSTINDEX=0&sortspec=relevance&resourcetype=HWCIT

They and other talk about live high - train low. Unfortunately that's not going to happen with me. For someone to see a genuine adjustment to altitude (more red blood cell) they have to spend at least 20 days at altitude and more than a month is better.

Maybe I should check out supp. oxygen. [later] I did, and affordable oxygen really doesn't last that long, but I could use it occasionally. References are many and confusing and I have yet to sort them out.

I think I would like to work on this altitude issue more just so I can ski/snowshoe/snowclimb higher.

I think I'll head to Tioga Pass Rd in Yosemite while it's still open in October and try some short hikes above 8000' with out Diamox (in case that's a factor) and with an oximeter.

Athlete for Life

I was just commenting to Terri that for me to take the best care of myself, I'm going to have to commit to being an athlete for life. If I take excellent care of myself I do really well, but, as I get older, I just don't have that much room to slack off like some do (who are actually quite few we're learning).

There's an article in the Chron today about older athletes.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/08/22/MNIE12DQV3.DTL

Which talks about how the age that you'll see people competing in the Olympics is shifting up. (The swimmer Dara Torres being a great example.) I bet there will come a day when Dara Torres current age (41) is no big deal at all.

Hopefully this phenomena will have an influence on current standards like how to calculate your max heart rate. Right now, it's 220-yourage which I know isn't accurate for me as I've pushed my heart rate that high (174 - and know I could go higher as I train with a heart rate monitor - which is an excellent training tool). While there are other alternate calculations for fit people I've found that I can get a good approximation by using my "real age" which last time I checked was about 9 years younger which for me puts my MHR at 183 which is probably more correct. I also like the mental advantage I get by thinking of myself as 37. Until someone younger kicks my butt at something. :)

The World Without US

More Olympics. I'm watching the womens Javelin final. There are no Americans in the competition so the US Media is not really paying attention so there are no commentators though it does have graphics accompanying it and Javelin is pretty straightforward so I'm not so lost. Basics are throw the javelin within the specified area and don't step on the line (a common problem).

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/player.html?assetid=at5h-bj-sd31-082108-191003&channelcode=sportat

It's actually unfortunate that there isn't commentary as it's obvious that there are stories abound in it. I would love to hear interviews with all of the top placers (A Czech, a Russian, and a German) - who clearly know each other and compete with each other all the time, and some of the ones that didn't do that well. The usual: what motivates them, how they do their training.

Some minor digging turned up this on the winner: http://www.iaaf.org/OLY08/news/kind=100/newsid=47206.html

Here is one great quote from that link that it's sad that the US media ignored:
Not only did Spotakova steal the gold from under Abakumova’s nose, she strangled her continental record almost at birth. Furthermore, she wasn’t going to be beaten by a Russian on the date that she said had been in her mind since she knew the schedule. 21 August marks the 40th anniversary of Russia’s invasion of Czechoslovakia.

Now that's something of a payback. :)

The net is making the world smaller - I love it.

BMX racing - another Roller Derby

The Winter Olympics has Short Track Speed Skating which is very much like a modern day Roller Derby (RD being a sport that claims to have rules but I don't believe it: ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4). In the Summer Olympics there is now BMX racing (ref1, ref2) which is very much Roller Derby on bikes. There isn't body checking but it happens anyway. Pretty exciting stuff (oh and it has a commentator):

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/share.html?videoid=0821_hd_cbb_en167

The Power of the Narrator

So I've been watching the Olympics both on TV and on the internet. the cool thing about the internet is that you can watch any of the sports so you get a better variety, but on many of then you don't have any commentary. It's just like you're there with some titles and instant replays thrown in.

We often make fun of the commentary, but when it isn't there I find I really miss it. With sports I'm not familiar with like fencing, judo, shooting I am completely at sea. Sports I have some vague acquaintance with I really wanted a commentator to fill me in on what I'm missing. Especially complicated sports that have a huge history behind them like dressage. Even sports I know and have competed in like badmitton and softball I still want a narrator just to give it a feel of legitimacy maybe?

Some of the events don't really have an announcer. Taekwando actually had announcers and a very active referee and crowd which make it kinda exciting, in contrast shooting was as dull as you might expect (and I'm pretty tolerant) and each fencing match was over before I knew anything had happened. There is even a very talented American doing it so I'm surprised the network isn't talking about it.

McCain Quote: Nations Don't Invade Other Nations

Yesterday afternoon, I was casually listening to NPR and they were discussing the Russian invasion of Georgia. Naturally they talked to Obama and McCain about it and, of course, they were completely against the Russian invasion. McCain took it a step further than I would have expected him to and I'm wondering if there's any way to hold him to that.

He said: "In the 21st century, nations don't invade other nations."

I was driving in Berkeley in traffic and it was really hard to not run into someone when I was saying "WHAT?! What do you think we just did at the very beginning of the 21st century?"

What kind of special glasses do you need to be able to see what we did and what they did as different? Of course the issues are different. Our justification was nebulous at best and mostly false, Their issues are a very real territorial dispute.

Waist to Hips Ratio - a better health measure

So I've ranted here about how I really dislike the Body Mass Index (BMI) as if you're muscular you will appear overweight. It's an easy bet that many Olympic athletes in Beijing right now would be considered overweight. An example being those gorgeous male gymnasts I was watching yesterday who are relatively short, but have arms larger than my thighs. Even many of the American Gladiators would be considered overweight or even obese which is a hilarious thought.

So I was thrilled to hear of more recent (recent being relative - it's not that new) research that indicates that fat around the belly ("apple" shaped rather than "pear" shaped) is a good indicator of health risk. There is now the concept of Waist to Hips Ratio (WTHR - ref1, ref2). Simply divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement. Women with a ratio of .8, or men with .95 are at what is considered low risk (ref.)

I like this measure. It's a lot less ephemeral of a concept. Fat around the internal organs is a credible threat (an older but surprising good USA today ref)

I'm right at .8, but just barely so I'd like to take another inch off or so.

Chinese and Western Culture - Worlds Apart

A few days ago, I was listening to a radio program on KALW (I forget which program) about how China views itself (kind of a large generalization since we're talking about a billion people). The view of the person talking was that China has a self image similar to what the US had in the 1950's. The one where "Everybody loves us." and they were really stunned to learn that in the "West" (US and Europe) that's oh so not the case.

What makes me realize over and over how far apart the cultures are is that the Chinese put so much stock in shame and are so firmly convinced that's supposed to carry weight in the West. They quoted one person saying how "ashamed" they were of France around the torch relay protests. "Shame on you France." All I can think of is "Huh?" You ignore that your country steamrolls over basic human rights on a regular basis (too many refs to list), and when someone else points it out, all you can think of to say is that they should be ashamed for dishonoring China and themselves. All I can do is shake my head in amazement, we may never be on the same page at this rate.

Though I must admit I'm looking forward to the Olympics, but I always do. I think the expectation of many world records is a little high given the horrible air quality in Beijing, but we'll have to see.

Wombats Ride - Aug 2008

I owe Bladium big time (Well I guess I do pay them, but still). 1 year of spin/RPM classes and now riding up Deer Park Road and Shaver Grade (in Fairfax), is pretty much entirely doable for me. Before I would have to walk a fair portion of it. Places where before my muscles would have hit failure I was able to work through - I had this sensation that my quads were able to get more oxygen even though they were working under load. I had this sensation when I was doing the quad strength test (see last entry) and I've often had it during the RPM classes. Either that or they are working anaerobically - I have no way of telling. Though they were not burning which is usually the indication for me that they're not working aerobically.

It was great to see Jacquie again, and I met a woman named Lisa who is out here visiting and is from Brooklyn. The day was filled with things not going as planned, but with just enough of things not going as planned that they meshed perfectly. First of all I was late and made myself even later because Tom and Ray of Car Talk were amusing me so much that I forgot that I was getting of the freeway at San Rafael and fell into autopilot going up to Santa Rosa. Fortunately I had got only a few miles out of my way and was able get back on track. At the same time, Lisa who was waiting for the Wombats in the wrong location, realized her mistake and headed over to Deer Park which was the correct location.

I finally get there and don't see Jacquie which I'm only half surprised about since I'm so late (though it's not like they leave right on time either). I get the bike out and changed shoes and I notice there's a woman riding a bike slowly in the parking lot. I finally ask her "Have you seen Jacquie?" (Amongst Fairfax mountain bikers it amuses me that I can do this to just about any person on a mountain bike and most of the time they know who I'm talking about.) She says "Well it's funny you ask that." Turns out she's looking for her too. I'm familiar with the first part of the route up to 5 Corners and I was betting that if we just hang at 5 corners we'll eventually see her. We have a nice chat while we ride up to 5 corners and we were just getting ready to sit down and settle in to wait when a polkadotted dreadlocked biker appeared. "There you are!" I say, and we were all reunited. Those sort of coincidental misadventures you can not plan.

We continue on up Shaver Grade to Sky Oaks [paved] Road. Ride past the beautiful Bon Tempe Lake and continue on to Lake Lagunitas (not to be confused with the one by Stanford). Circle the lake and then head back this time staying on Sky Oaks the whole way back down.

What was fun about staying on the road was similar to going down Mt Diablo Road you can really scream down the hill and you don't have to worry about running over a hiker (or getting a speeding ticket which, in Marin, they do had out to mountain bikers). And in the same vein of you never forget how to ride a bike, the muscle memory of how to go down a hill fast on a bike doesn't disappear very quickly at all. I may have had to spend a year getting back into the shape I was when I routinely climbed mountains on a bike, but I didn't have to spend a year relearning the go downhill fast skills. though the disc brakes help a lot with better, more efficient braking power and my hands are not horribly fatigued like they used to get.

And of course we had tea and much dish afterward. I always like to hear how the bordering on incestuous Marin bike community is doing. This isn't a gossip column so I'll skip naming names.

I really like how much time Jacquie takes teaching biking skills to women. It's fun to watch her work. One thing that I found fun was that I had headed off to charge down a hill (not a beginner skill) and she was going to hang back with slower riders and do some instruction, but just as I left, I found that she had easily caught up to me to give me directions for the bottom of the hill, once she had done that (which was done at not slow speeds), she was immediately able to send me on my way and ride back up to where she had started from. Pretty talented multitasking there.

She wants to write a book for women over 50 who have never ridden a bike before (or haven't for a long time.) Given the increasing interest in exercise and alternative transportation her timing sounds right.

I tell Jacquie that I want take her skiing this coming ski season and she's all for it. I keep telling her that skiing embraces eccentricity much more so than the mountain bike crowd. (I tell her that she needs to see any Warren Miller film to see what I'm talking about.) Well this should be fun.

Well I thought I had Weak Legs

So I'm still pondering why my leg strength seemed to abandon me on Mt. Shasta.

I'm wondering if it has to do with a combination of altitude not delivering enough oxygen to my muscles, and perhaps the smaller stabilizer muscles needing more strength work.

If it's the previous that's a bummer as I have no intention of moving to a higher elevation.

I've noticed that I still have balance trouble with lunges - they do a lot of them in the Body Pump class and I hate them but realize that I absolutely need to do them. (This site says that they are the king of leg strength builders.)

I found another site here that says that doing a "wall squat" (sitting in a chair position against a wall sans chair) is a good leg strength evaluator. So I decided to try it. It says that 45 seconds for men is excellent (39 for women - don't know why it's less for women as women's legs are strong). I did 1:00 and this is with my feet sliding on the floor some, so I repeated it with a non-slip surface under my feel. Then I did 1:15. This is so not fair - why does all this strength go away above 8000'? Maybe I should just climb with oxygen (absurd at such low elevations).

I'm going on a mountain bike ride Saturday with Wombats (a pretty easy ride, but there is a climb), so I'll see how I do climbing on dirt at low elevations. Got to also figure out how to do assisted lunges in case I lose my balance. Right now I can do them, but don't sink very low.

More Healhnet Follies

It's been 4 months since I submitted my Max Out of Pocket Expenses form to Healthnet. This means that they had 45 business days (9 weeks!) to process it. They did but right at the end I realized that they hadn't told the pharmacy which should have been a simple day or two but that gave them the excuse to start the clock over and the claim suddenly had a June date (argh).

I received a letter date July 10th (though I received the letter much later), that the claim was going through "further review." (I need to check if this is legal.) I've seen this once before but usually it means that the check will be coming soon, but I haven't seen it yet.


Sat July 26th
The check finally came.
The End - till next year.

Sure let's get Married in the Backyard (eek)

So Terri innocently suggests that rather than going to find a place to get married, that we can just get married in the backyard. To a non-gardening person I can't begin to explain the excitment and horrible stress that causes. I think the first thing she noticed was the color draining from my face and the pained expression. You see we have two very active Corgis who tear around the yard and it is now a pile of sand with ceremonial bits of unmowed grass in it. Terri's explaining where we could stand and where people could sit and all I'm thinking about is how long I've been sort of trying to unsuccessfully patch our lack of lawn with two wee barking curs racing around it, and with water restrictions imposed. I make mention that we'll have to lay sod and she blighthy says: oh we can just lay down a green square of something and I refrain from outright appoxia and just started making funny gurgling noises. To her credit she notices (but does not completely understand) my distress (I am marrying this person and fortunately her understanding of this issue is not a deal breaker). This is supposed to be a very special day and I'm not having our guests standing or sitting around on green plastic.

I suppose I could come up with an alternative to grass. After all, she's suggesting that we stand under one of the trees and that won't have grass, so some nice mulch would work well there, but a small lawn of grass would be nice for guests even if there's only 4-5 of them.

This is very exciting though my low blood pressure may change some. Guess I'll go by the new Borders in town (or Books Inc) and look for some ideas in either Garden Design Magazine or a Landscaping book.

But first I/we have to clean the backyard first. Then I can start thinking about things like fuschias and other goodies.

The fitness null set

I'm feeling a little at sea
I'm in great shape when I'm at my gym, but I don't do well on Mt. Shasta.
I was in spin class and doing really well and I was actually kinda depressed about it.

For my own sanity I think this means I need to change gym routines. Maybe switch over to kickboxing and mixed martial art exercises and Body Jam.

-----------------
Insight.
I've had a day to ponder more.
I think I see what's different in doing actual climbing vs. gym stairclimbers and bike training.

On the gym machines or on a bike, if you get tired and pause, your weight passively applied to the stair or pedal will help carry you through. This is not so when you are climbing. Your muscle is what has to lift the weight of you up. I think I've gotten to used to relying on the mechanical assistance without fully realizing it. This is why I can bike up all sorts of things but actually climbing them is another story.

What sad about that is that the gym stairclimbers can only help me just so far. At this point I have to go back to just working on my leg muscle strength and endurance. things like doing step ups, or climbing actual stairs, and doing a lot of traditional squats and leg presses.

Or maybe I'll just take a break and do kickboxing.

Yeesh, why does it take me so long to figure these things out?

Mt Diablo more attainable goals

So to make myself feel better I did ride up Mt Diablo on my bike. I stopped short of the summit just because Mark and Jan wanted to take me out for my birthday, but I easily could have made it and I think this next Saturday, I'll do it again and give myself more time.

I think the thing with biking is that you can easily compensate for muscle weakness. Others on bikes certainly did pass me and it was partially because I was on a mountain bike, partially because I have lower gears available to me, and partially because I was just going slower.

Once again I was way exhausted to the point the Jan was worried about me at dinner, but I recovered after a fair bit of sleep.

And the ride down. Pure speedy bliss. Make me wonder why I ever descend on foot at all. Took 30 minutes tops, and it was fun to chase the cars down. I think for Shasta I really should work on skiing. What I love about biking up (and I would guess skiing too) is that the climbing adage of the summit is only half way, really doesn't apply. You can pretty much kill yourself going up and just have to save enough energy to descend safely. I like that.

Back from Shasta - wiser and really tired

I'm back from Mt. Shasta. Short answer is that I didn't summit and I learned much more than I planned on.

For reasons that it took me a day or two after the summit climb to figure out, I was moving slowly - even with a light pack. As we climbed, the fatigue in my legs increased and something clearly wasn't working and it was obviously not a summit pace, so at first offered opportunity, I opted to go back down (I got up to around 10,400' or 10,500'. Now I've been training for this for months, so it wasn't like I was out of shape. I had gone up 2 days early so I was acclimated and was not sick at all. I was convinced I had no excuse and no reason which is a little maddening.

After a day's reflection, it finally occurred to me that likely I had some residual leg weakness that only showed up under the very demanding conditions of Mt. Shasta (elevation, snow, climbing a steep slope in crampons), and didn't show up at sea level workouts or even ordinary hiking. It's 3 days later and my legs are still tired and have a bone deep fatigue.

Unfortunately, training for such a moving unknown target is really difficult and sanity suggests that perhaps I want to look for another obsession that's more suited to where I live. I love where I live and have absolutely no plans on moving to the mountains. I like visiting the mountains, I love the challenge of climbing, but I don't have any compulsion to live there and even spending the extra time to acclimate I kinda resent as it takes me away from Terri and the dogs.

So here I am wondering what to do.
I think summit dreams are now on a very lengthy hiatus, while I go pursue relatively easy goals like climbing Mt. Diablo on a bike (already have done it on foot multiple times), or day hiking Half Dome, and toy with getting more seriously into biking again. doing more rock climbing, and try to find a way to recreate this leg weakness issue so it won't interfere with skiing next season - I may have to start lifting more heavy weights or at least bench pressing them. (I'm not a weight lifting fan so it's going to take some attitude adjustment.) Shasta, for now, will be a ski and glissade destination - which is not a bad thing at all.

So I'm disappointed, but feel freed in a way as well.

I grew up listening to Jim McKay

Jim McKay passed away today and what a legacy he leaves.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/more/06/07/obit.mckay.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

While I worked out on the stair climber with a light pack (probably last one I'm going to do before my climb), ESPN was on the TV right in front of me and they did a 1 hour tribute to him. A large part of my television life passed before my eyes. I was an ABC Wide World of Sports fanatic and I loved watching the Olympics.
And McKay was so much more than a sports announcer. They replayed him having to announce that the Munich Hostages had been killed and he did it with such dignity and respect and this is after he had been on the air for 16 hours.

I saw so many people and events for the first time through his eyes:

• Olga Korbut
• Ludmila Tourischeva (even ABC mispronouncing her name initially)
• Kathy Rigsby
• Mark Spitz
• Bruce Jenner
• Dwight Stone
• Secretariat
• A J Foyt
• and the Chinese Olympic Gymnast who competed with a broken leg (and we all could feel his pain because of McKay's description.)
  

and on and on and on. What a great presenter and story teller he was. I remember him talking so well now even when I didn't realize it was him talking. It's such a shame he missed seeing the Belmont today and I miss that I didn't hear him talking about it.

The Belmont Stakes: What happened to Big Brown?

Like a lot of horse crazy girls I wanted to be a jockey. Ever since I've had a love/hate relationship with Horse Racing (I hate the injury and death rate of race horses). I simply can not help paying attention when the Triple Crown races come up.

And what an inspiration for Da'Tara a 38-1 longshot who led the whole way. Talk about don't listen to what everyone else is saying. Just go for it.

here is a so-so video of it.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CXhQ7uX8lrY

Here's ESPN's
http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?videoId=3431280&categoryId=2488837

If you let the above video play it will also have interviews with the trainers of both horses, the track vet, and Big Brown's future. Speculation is that the heat may have been a factor. Other speculation is that he was on steroids before the Kentucky Derby came off of them for the Triple Crown races, and that he may no longer be getting any benefit from them. Or maybe that quarter crack injury in his hoof is bothering him.

This is Big Brown in the Preakness. Near the end of the video you can see what an incredible finishing kick this horse has, and that just wasn't there today.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=tWFcspLo13w&feature=related

Well we'll be hearing more in the next few days.

ESPN did retrospective videos of previous Triple Crown winners.
Secretariat's is here:
http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?videoId=3429342&categoryId=2488837&n8pe6c=2
There still hasn't been a horse like Secretariat since.

Healthnet Follies 2008

I have a high co-payment for my shots (30%). Af a result I meet my max copay for the year quite early and every year three years running it's a chore to get them to notice and pay me back.

To share the pain, I've started keeping a call log:

Health Net Call Log

Tracking the progress of the 2008 Maximum Copayment Liability Notification (Out of Pocket expenses)

2008 Payments to Caremark - submitted
1/21/08 547.75
2/20/08 547.75
3/17/08 547.75

Payments to Caremark after form submitted
4/19/08 547.75
5/19/08 547.75

Total 2738.75 (1238.75 after 1500)


3/25/08
Calling Healthnet
Talking to Rodney
Asked how I could fax in the 2008 claim
Claiming that I have to mail it it.
I explained that I faxed it last year and it got lost three times when I mailed it. He's checking again
Says the fax number is 818-676-5008 Attn Claims and it will get scanned it


[later that day]
Tried fax number - it answers but then hangs up (tried 3x)
Faxed to main number to "Claims"

Finally just sent it to the main fax number 800-204-3778 Attn Claims and that seemed to work and I didn't get a bounce fax soon after.

4/2/08
Calling Healthnet
Talking to Robert
Has OOP for been scanned in?
Yes, Received on 3/27/08 (that has to be it.)

Takes 45 business day (= 9wks, that would be 5/23/08)

4/18/08
Calling Healthnet
Talking to Betty
Checking Status
Currently being reviewed (they check all expenses)

5/14/08
Calling Healthnet
Talking to Deborah
On 3/28/08 send to claims by mistake (that was probably me though they told me to do that).
Form needs to go to specific person (Carmen), not claims, it got scanned in but there it will sit until someone actually does something with it
Deborah is sending all information to her.
Deborah says that if no name on the fax then it does get scanned in, but just sits there

5/28/08
Calling Healthnet
Talking to: Marie
Form sent back with 2007 information. (That's deliberately dense of them.)
Accumulator spreadsheet for 2008 empty and they need to update it.
Will resubmit and expedite
Says request does go to claims (but likely then gets shuttled off to Carmen)


6/4/08 11.40am
Calling Healthnet
Talking to: Brendisia

on hold - told her last person I spoke to was Marie and was a couple of weeks ago.
Everything updated on Accumulator spreadsheet [well that's good news]
Have met OOP for 2008
OOP status has date of 5/30/08 [slow slow slow]
back on hold while she checks on refund check
Asked that information be forwarded to pharmacy
Doesn't show overpayment
I will have to look up my own copy
She says that Marie is working today and that when I call back I can ask for her.

[Didn't have time to call back later that day]
Checked my copy of the Maximum Copayment Liability Notification
My total at the time was $1643.25 submitted 3/25/08.


6/4/08 12:07pm
Called Theresa at Caremark
866-833-3752 option 1 x4141

to see if there's a way to check if OOP processed
They have to put a claim through to be able to check.
I will call next week when I need more.


6/5/08 2:30pm
Calling Healthnet
Talking to Tara (Helpful - familiar with OOP Max)
Asked if Marie is working today (I don't think she was)
Tara sees the accumulator sheet and
not sure of status of overpayment
Will send email to Carmen (who handles these things) about the OOP overpayment reimbursement (told Tara 1238.75)
also asking how to let pharmacy know that OOP Max has been reached.
When she hears back tomorrow she will call me on the cell phone.

--------------------------------------------------------

Geez, I should at least get a merit badge for this pain.

Finally it's over! We have a nominee

It's over! It's finally over. Well not quite yet but close enough dammit.

Obama is the democratic nominee, and I really hope that there is a great power position for Clinton to have. My original dream ticket was Obama/Clinton, but Clinton may be a real pain in the rear for a Vice President, but what power that administration would have.

Don't Mess with "Crush"

Gina Carano, who is also known as "Crush" on American Gladiators (which starts up again on June 9th), is in her other life is a very successful Muay Thai fighter, and CBS showed a fight of hers yesterday (Sat 9pm). I didn't watch it, but I found a link to it here. She is tough, even when allegedly out of shape (Ha - I am in good shape and she could run rings around me.)

It's interesting how much fascination a lot of us have for her. Right after the fight, suddenly there was a jump in the stats for my first Blog post about her so I'm not alone in this intrigue.

I'm Getting Married

and it's not quite sinking in yet at all.

I haven't even told my friends yet so consider this an inside scoop. The California Supreme Court has ruled that same-sex marriages should be allowed, and though we've hesitated before (we're both property owners and we feared it would complicate life too much being in that legal limbo of Registered Domestic Partners) it seems important now to stand up and be counted.

We haven't told people about it as come November it might be anulled by a constitutional amendment that is going to be on the ballot. Because for some reason we are still the ongoing political flavor of the month. However it appears to be getting less so. In this article in the SF Chronicle they talk about how younger generations who have grown up with friends who've identified as LGBT their whole lives don't see what the big deal is at all and overwhelmingly support same-gender marriage. The graph here really shows the dramatic change.

At first I was thinking that getting a constitution amendment might be difficult as I mistakenly thought it took 2/3 of the vote to pass. But it turns out that in Calif there is the idea of revising the constitution (which takes 2/3 vote) and amending it which if proposed as an initiative only takes a simple majority (ref.) (I need to write a separate blog entry on how I hate the initiative process - I'm not a professional lawmaker why am I being asked to be one?)

So we may get the fun of being married for a few months. Anyone wishing to take over as political football is welcome to do so. The cool thing is to see the writing on the wall. It's inevitable that same-sex marriage will be legalized in Calif over time as the voter attitude shifts, likely other blue states will eventually follow suit. After a considerably longer time the Federal laws should shift once people see that nothing horrible has happened. Wonder if I'll live to see it, given how dramatically things have changed I might well indeed.

In the meantime, I get to wear a really cool ring. :)

The Rest Step - I can finally do it

It's taken me years but I finally get the Rest Step. I feel silly that it took me so long to get it but it involves immediately locking your knee and I've been conditioned for years to not lock my knees so it was a huge mental and physical block for me.

When you take a step you straighten and lock the leg that is getting the weight (what will become the trailing leg) and relax the leg that is brought forward for the next step. The thing I wasn't getting is that you straighten and lock the leg immediately. In this way, you can walk uphill at nearly normal speed.

I was hoping I could find a You Tube video on The [Mountaineering] Rest Step but there isn't one (and there needs to be one).

There are these refs:
From Mountaineering: The Freedom of the Hills
http://books.google.com/books?id=O_SNr4LPdUQC&pg=RA1-PA114&lpg=RA1-PA114&dq=rest+step&source=web&ots=5SIm2A7kCC&sig=5KxV6fzRsH2KRQtvIubTzf6opoo&hl=en#PRA1-PA108,M1

And also:
http://outdoors.webshots.com/photo/2547689470078157984mOchMu
http://www.ehow.com/how_14512_perform-rest-step.html

I finally put it together while working out at the gym with a pack. It became clear even before I got to the stair climber machine but when I was walking up the real stairs of the gym. I hit a rhythm and was able to then work out on the stair climber for 45 minutes while carrying a 27.5 lb pack. It of course helped that NCAA Women's Fast Pitch Softball championships were on as I'm real familiar with fast pitch softball as I spent all of jr high and high school playing softball until I had to quit from a shoulder injury which I handled all wrong so it didn't heal for years. (As a result I became an excellent hitter.)

I walked out of the gym knowing that, for once, I was ready for Shasta. I should increase the weight and the speed but I pretty much have it.

Songwriting and Music

Music is a passion of mine that unfortunately I'm not inheritly good at. I've spent years working on playing guitar and piano better and was passable, but never really that good. I pretty much stopped when I was dealing with Carpal Tunnel and realized that I essentially had to pick which activities mattered the most to me as my hands weren't going to be able to do everything. I chose work and art and sports and let playing music slide. But I continue to mentally work on musical concepts here and there - trying to recognize notes, harmonies and keys.

But it's taken me a long time to get to the point of admitting that I'm much more visual that auditory. Visualizing things is very easy for me, except I can't just look at written music and know how it's going to sound, and keeping time musically by manually counting is out is very difficult for me (though if I hear it I usually can figure it out). I took a basic music composition class and it was fascinating (and demoralizing) how easily playing music came to some folks.

But I have to remember that writing (at least expository writing) is very easy for me and probably a lot of those folks would struggle with that. Or they may not be as visual and able to imagine an object at several different orientations in space. We all have our talents.

But it doesn't stop me from being really jealous. I keep thinking that I could at least write lyrics, but my brain doesn't seem to work that way. When I write a song I'm more writing a story and the idea of stopping to write a chorus just doesn't jive at all. It's clearly a skill that I need to learn but once again it would be an uphill struggle for me. When I stop and imagine myself writing a particular song that I'm listening to, I realize that I would never have occurred to me to arrange the words that way. Maybe I'm just too linear though I don't think of myself that way. Hmmm.

I'm obviously making this far more difficult than it needs to be. Each time I have trouble, it's magnified into a moral failure. Oh please.

Waiting is not a Horrible Thing

Twice now I've seen commercials selling the idea that waiting is a worthless time waster (I can't find a good reference but I'm sure you've heard them), One in particular outright says "No one has ever gotten anything worthwhile by waiting" (paraphrase). Implying that waiting was bad (since they were selling the speed of their service).

It's odd that they can actually get away with disparaging waiting. Waiting is an excellent exercise in patience. A sort of zen-like opportunity to work on breathing and relaxation, reading, writing or thinking.

I find it also helps to realize that as long as you are taking up their space it's quite likely they will get to you. It's hard to ignore a human. Humans take up space and a business only has so much of it. Not dealing with you is actually costing them money, so they have an incentive to work with you.

Waiting is not so bad. Really.

Miserable in Paradise

When battling training daemons it's best not to be alone...

I never got home sick as a kid, but I sure do now and I'm just realizing that's a part of what it is that is plaguing my trying to do mountaineering and altitude adjustment while by myself.

Thur, Fri, Sat I was up at Mt Shasta's Horse Camp (run by the Sierra Club). I had multiple purposes in mind. The most important was to invest the time to adjust to the altitude to see if that made a difference in the AMS that I'm prone to get. The good new is that plus Diamox kept me from getting sick.

The bad news is that after 24 hours I was miserable missing Terri, Yoshi and Trek, plus I was dealing with feelings of being a failure (at mountaineering, but you know how these things get generalized in one's head - sigh.)

While there I wrote this somewhat pathetic missive:

Thur Arrived 5:30pm [it's a 1.25 snow hike up to Horse Camp from Bunny Flat]
Fri At Horse Camp acclimating.
Midday - I will leave at midnight [for a training climb - which I wussed out on and didn't leave till the morning]. The spring isn't running yet. Caretaker is concerned.
I never count on how depressed I get when I'm away from Terri & the dogs.
This is tricky as for me to aclimate takes extra time [at least 36 hours or so], but I so much want to leave now. This doesn't bode well for my mountaineering future.
On the Alaska trip [a week long class on an Alaskan glacier] which started on a Sunday, by Tuesday I wanted to go home despite being in one of the most beautiful places on Easth - the Ruth Glacier.
I love physical challenges but I need to find somethng that takes less time. I joke that I should take up something simple like riding centures [100 mile bike rides].

Wonder if something I'm taking is affecting me. I need to Google diamox serotonin [didn't find anything useful]
I went and helped work on the digging out of the spring and the: carry wood, chop water (sorry) exercise seemed to help. I must say it's nice not to be sick. I can eat all I like.

So I think my future is in shorter duration alpine skiing where I aspire to be an excellent black diamond skiier. (Right now, I'm ok with easy blues). I will go on the Shasta Mountain Guides trip that I have paid for - that will be in June, but I'm not going to do any more solo training trips that exceed a day. I'll just start bringing a pack to the gym and doing the stair climber and also work out on my elliptical here.

As far as actual training and carrying skills I still have some work to do. My rest step is still too slow to use all the time, and even when doing it my right hamstring tends to tire so I'll need to strengthen it more.

Predatory Lenders - They're Back

The Predatory Lenders are back in my mailbox. Different tactics, but just as deceptive.

This one is from "Insite Financial Corp." Who is a real estate broker (Ca lic #01522406)

It's offering me more than my original loan, but for a lower monthly payment, claiming to be a 30 year fixed. Today's interest rates are higher than my current loan so I know there's a huge catch in there somewhere.

Looking carefully at the language it says "30 year fixed loan with a payment at 3.25% amortized" odd that it doesn't say "interest rate," and in the next paragraph it says APR or 7.99% which is way over what my loan is and a major red flag.

Turning over the page in search of the fine print, and the "offer" goes from sounding friendly to a financial nightmare.
"New loan is a 30 year fixed with minimum payment option starting at 3.25% for the first year. Minimum payment is available for 120 months [10 years] with the following minimum payment schedule:

Year Amount
1 1074.34
2 1154.92
3 1241.54
4 1354.56
5 1434.76
6 1542.37
7 1658.05
8 1782.40
9 1916.08
10 2059.79

So in 10 years the payment doubles! And what year does it exceed what I'm paying now?
Year 4. Such ripoff artists. Especially since during the years where you're not paying much money, interest in accruing.

Oh and there could be a prepayment penalty in case you had the idea to use just the cheap part of the loan. Run away from these types of quagmire loans.