Whacking a Nest of Hornets - Nationwide Prop 8 Protests

The Prop 8 folks have whacked a hornet's nest.

Anti Prop 8 protests happened all over the country Saturday.
San Francisco, Oakland, San Diego, Los Angeles, Fairfield (you go!), and even little Alameda, and many more throughout the state.

But this SF Chron article here (and an earlier one here) and accompanying CBS5 video on the same page, say that there were protests in Boston (where same-sex marriage is legal), New York (where the fight is just beginning), Philadelphia, Las Vegas (which African-American comedian Wanda Sykes came out in) and FARGO, ND! (where it was literally freezing).

Let's hope this momentum continues. The Prop 8 folks are completely caught off guard as they are naively thinking this is all over. They are so wrong.

NAACP joins the fight against Prop 8, also Nationwide Protests Planned

What I missed yesterday is which minority groups were filing against Prop 8.

Mexican-American Legal Defense Fund
Asian Pacific American Legal Center
and in a move that should go a long way towards healing:
The NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund
(and two other groups that this article didn't name.)

And tomorrow should see the start of several nationwide rallies against Prop 8.
Details are here. It also mentions that there's a financial fallout as the identities of large donors to Yes on 8 are being circulated - even more detail is here and here. The article goes on to talk about how this could become a national movement, even as far a New York (honestly, NY really should already have same sex marriage). Wouldn't that be cool. The ultimate unintended consequence.

The Laramie Project - A Great Play

I went to see The Laramie Project at Alameda High School mostly to support the students (since a friend's daughter is involved in it.) What I hadn't planned on is that I learned a lot from the play. It starts with the attack and moves forward from there through the trials. The play is a summary of 100's of interviews that the playwrights made with the people of Laramie. While I find the subject very upsetting, I was also intrigued and wanted to know the ins and outs.

The acting is surprisingly good for the high school level and some of the actors very much have a future in acting. These were hard roles to portray. These were people who had there lives turned upside down by the acts of two of their members. It made them question the very integrity of their town and question their judgment of who is decent and good person. The dilemma showed though. Many kudos.

And Phelps? He was shown in the play since he and his minions and their signs were there for Shepherd's funeral, and were cleverly covered up by people dressed as angels. I realized that I was silly to worry about these kids dealing with Phelps - they'd be fine, they'd likely welcome it. However a local Alameda Police Detective Brock took a lot of time to verify that the Phelps crew has changed plans and will be going directly to Hawaii to do the noble thing () of protesting at Obama's grandmother's funeral (because she was such an in your face threatening activist? Huh? Low lifes.)

That aside - go see the play. You'll learn a lot, and have a thoughtful evening.
Alameda Little Theatre - 2200 Central Ave. at Walnut, Alameda, CA
Remaining Dates are today (Friday) and tomorrow: Nov 14-15, 7:30pm (get there around 6:45pm or 7pm). $10.

Justices ask Attorney General to respond to Prop 8 Lawsuits

After no word for a couple of days, I hear a heartbeat out of the courts. They have asked Attorney General Jerry Brown's office to reply to the lawsuits filed against Prop 8. Apparently that means that they are taking things seriously (well, duh) as opposed to refusing the case and making a lower court review it first. What they want to know from Brown is whether his office considers the cases valid for review (duh again - don't you love legal formality?). Apparently this is the first step of this process.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/11/13/BAMU1449RR.DTL&type=politics

The article goes on to say that the justices have the right to suspend Prop 8 while its legality is being worked out. Can you imagine what a charge to the alter that's going to cause?

In another well, duh, moment, supporters of prop 8 are reporting being shocked at the intensity of the response to the yes vote. Hello? If someone took away some of your rights you'd be pissed too.

Many people I talk to say that in a few years this will work itself out. Opponents of same-sex marriage are a shrinking majority and you can bet that there are some who feel really guilty about it (of course there are going to be those who dig in as well). And we will take pains to reach out to those who will listen (an admitted mistake of the No of 8 strategy, as the polling data said the measure would fail.)

What I'm wondering is who's the next enemy? Bible stuff aside, we don't make a good enemy. I'm thinking that next up is back to illegal immigrants (now there's a dilemma for the Central Valley as their agrieconomy depends on them), or arab-appearing Muslims. It will be interesting to see what happens as more American Muslims run for political office.

The Evil Phelps Group Threatens to Picket Alameda HS

Alameda is a relatively small city in the Bay Area. After some growing pains, Alameda has become very progressive and supportive of LGBT concerns to the point that they deputized the mayor (I'm sure it was her idea) and most of the city council to do same-sex weddings at city hall. That said, we're not really used to being in the limelight (ok the original anti-gay growing pains got us national attention, but that was 13 years ago).

Well Alameda High Schools decision to put on the Laramie Project has gotten Fred Phelps and Co.'s attention. Phelps is pretty much evil incarnate and get's his jollies off of picking things gay and progressive related, with the most appalling signage. Even among evangelical xian's he's pretty much a pariah. Word has it that they are planning to protest the Laramie Project at AHS on Friday. Word also has it (I refuse to put citations in for these bozos) that Phelps himself is off serving a higher purpose of protesting at Obama's Grandmother's funeral (!! - I did say he was a complete evil, agent of satan, pariah yes?), so his underlings will be there instead.

It remains to be seem whether they show at all (wouldn't be the first time they did a no show), but several people and the police and planning on putting up a buffer zone to shield the kids from this despicable vitriol. I also know they have some misinformation which I won't publish till after Friday.

I don't believe in hell but if there is one, Phelps will be there.

Alameda High puts on "The Larame Project"

My neighbor told me that her daughter is participating in Alameda High School's production of The Laramie Project. That is so extraordinary, that my brain simply didn't put it together at first. The Laramie Project is the story of Matthew Shepherd, his brutal murder (left to die on a fence in Wyo. simply because he was gay - he died after 22 hours), and the aftermath. My neighbor's daughter, is not only a cast member but is the stage manager and since I know how stressful the stage manager's job is (make sure every one in the cast is there and ready to go on at the right time, and calls every lighting cue), is to be doubly admired.

I'm going to see the play tonight, and I need to remember to bring Kleenex as the subject is deeply upsetting to me as unlike most of the cast (this is the 10 year anniversary), I remember all too well when that happened.

My neighbor is very justifiably proud of her daughter as am I.

More Prop 8 followup

I am going to take a Prop 8 hiatus but will readdress it from time to time.

This just in Connecticut. just ok'd same sex marriage. Hooray! (Ref. Ref2)
People from Calif. are already talking about getting married there and coming back here to ask for it to be recognized.

And while I don't have a reference handy for it I just heard on KFOG news that some Asian rights groups are joining in the legal brief asking the court to reverse Prop 8.

Which brings up, just how terrific the Asian communities have been in there opposition to Prop 8, as opposed to the lukewarm or even hostile response of other minority communities such as the African-American one. (The Latin commuity was split - and people like Caesar Chavez's granddaughter who had us all chanting "Si si puede" at the anti-Prop 8 rally, are terrific.)

I don't think it's fair to lay blame for 8's passage on the African-American commuity as there were a ton of Anglos that voted for it, but it was indeed weird to hear about those who voted for Obama and also for Prop 8. Feelings of betrayal in the LGBT community who voted overwhelmingly for Obama, were very present yet most seem not to be giving in to open hostility, just noting the irony. And those who are a member of both communities are really feeling pinched.

A well respected polling site has a great page on Prop 8 myths here.

The LA Times talks about the legal ins and out of the court challenges and what's ahead here.

And finally, Equality California is gearing up for a 2010 initiative, though since I am firmly of the opinion that civil rights are not up for vote I really, really hope it doesn't come to that.

I'm also quite happy that the Yes folks really suck at writing legistlation. They've screwed up twice now. The first one they didn't make it a constitutional amendment, and now that they did they neglected to make it retroactive. Now they're saying that's what they "intended" - like that holds any weight - morons.

The Legal Eagles Continue to Weigh in on Prop 8

This is likely to be a series of posts.

The legal experts are already starting to weigh in on Prop 8.

One third of the Calif legislators have files a friend of the court brief asking that 8 be overturned;

http://www.examiner.com/a-1683846~Lawmakers_join_call_to_overturn_Prop__8.html

And long time judge LaDoris H. Cordell has stated categorically that 8 will be overturned and also is of the opinion that we won't be able to convince religious African American voters no matter what we try and that it simply has to be legislated like everything else. Cordell is an African-American lesbian and grew up in that environment and became a lawyer and a judge (now retired), so she really is an authority.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/11/11/ED45141P46.DTL&type=politics

In my mind this all comes down to:

What part of Equal Protection Under the Law do you not understand?

Keith Olbermann on Prop 8

This deserves its own blog entry.

Keith Olbermann speaks out on Prop 8
His passion and eloquence are unmatchable.

I am in tears.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27650743/

The Law of Unintended Consequences

We went to a very encouraging, fun, raucous, noisy, peaceful anti-Prop 8 rally in Sacramento, which gave me hope that there are a lot of really pissed off people who are more that willing to fight this through. I took a lot of video of the very creative signs, which I will make a montage of. I was in particular thrilled to see Caesar Chavez's granddaughter speak as some of us were beginning to feel abandoned by other minorities (but that's another blog entry).

Ahnold has weighed in again saying he hopes the courts will overturn 8, and while I wish he were more outspoken earlier I'm thrilled that he's speaking out and bluntly. (Ref.)

But while the demonstrations show the state that we're not going to take this lying down, the real power is with the courts and that's where our attention will be pointed. Conversations with cooler, insightful heads reveal that the Yes on 8 folks may have painted themselves into a corner that they may very well regret.

Calif law dictates equal protection. The court can invalidate 8, or there's another option that I've heard someone describe as the "nuclear option." If the church is so attached to the M-word then it could just disappear entirely from the state law and we all would have civil unions. I've heard this echoed more than once (3-4 times I believe). Wow, I'm quite sure that's not what the Yes folks intended or want - the tricky part is that it will be considered the lgbt community's fault even though it was the Yes folks who started this nonsense.

I'm hoping that 8 is just overtuned - I do like being married rather that civil unionized, though I'll happily take either as long as it's exactly the same as what everyone else gets. This will still lead to lots of arguing, but years from now the dust simply has to settle.

Prop 8's Real Victims

While every lgbt person is a victim of Prop 8's passage, most of us will fight on and will be ok. Last night, it occurred to me that the real victims are young lgbt people who live in the Central Valley and other homophobic Calif places. They are currently trapped, and I'm really feeling for them.

What about the kid who was just about to come out to their parents when this mob mentality hit? What are they to do? What about in schools? The yes on h8 people claim they worry about same-sex marriage being taught in schools (a lie - unfortunately), but they are teaching their children to hate (in schools, in churches and everywhere else). In our area, it's the young people who are huge instruments for change, teaching children to hate is so wrong, and creates an environment of terror that should have gone out in the 60's. I came out in 1982 and while I had support, it was still pretty uncomfortable. Now I hear stories of it not being an issue at all. How refreshing. I want to save our young people from that pain. For them to perpetuate that pain is beyond despicable.

Terri (who came our more recently) says that this is the first time she's felt discriminated against as a minority. Though she's very resilient, that's pain I would have paid money to spare her from.

Putting the Hurt on My Obama buzz

And that just ain't right.

Prop 8 is headed back to the courts with some very powerful lawyers gunning for its defeat.

Jerry Brown undoubtedly has the weirdest and most uncomfortable position (ref).
The comfortable position is that he gets to defend my marriage (and the 18,000 other ones) as still valid since they were done during a time when they were legal.
The uncomfortable one (that I know he must just totally hate) is that he has to be the unlucky one to defend Prop 8 from the legal challenges filed by city attorneys from SF, Santa Clara, and Los Angeles, who are claiming that Prop 8 is so far reaching that it can not be a simple amendment, but instead a constitutional revision which takes 2/3 of the legislature and is far harder to obtain. Let's hope that Brown chooses to do a really bad job of defending it.

Another legal challenge is by the ACLU, Lambda Legal, and the National Center for Lesbian Rights who are saying the measure is inconsistent with the constitution. Making the point that if voters tried to take away freedom of speech for women and not for men that it would be certainly struck down. ACLU (who is now clearly the one to watch as Equality Calif is being quieter than I care for right now) has an excellent article on it here.

There is still the fact that votes are still being counted. I don't know if 400.000 no votes would turn up, but given the millions that voted on each side it wouldn't be unprecedented.

I'm just hoping that the courts do what they've so often done in the past. Protect a minority from the tyranny of the [very slim] majority (ACLU mentions that too - hooray.)

I really want to let this go and enjoy the fact that history was made. Back on Super Tues (scary that I've been blogging long enough to self quote) I said while I was happily angsting about Clinton vs Obama (In: This Time My Vote Counts) that "But the thing is that Obama could create a revolution Right Now." and he just very well may.

I am so hopeful right now about us being able to rebuild our place in the world to be less of a spoiled, resource hogging, do it our way, bully. Of course, expectations are going to be so high that there's bound to be disappointment and I don't envy Obama after oh three months in office. But he signed up for this and he is a born president. After 12 years of conservatives trashing our world image, I do so look forward to this.

Staying tuned. And much as I want to be done with Prop 8, I will continue to blog about the legal challenges to it as it works its way through the court system.

Legislating Hate

I'm reeling from Prop 8 maybe passing.

The Central Valley (I reeeeeeally dislike the Central Valley) has decided that their world view of equal rights for only people they like is the way it should be for the rest of us (Prop 8 failed soundly in the Bay Area). They chose to legislate their hate and claim that it's for the good of the children. Ironically, if the trends continue the way they're going, their children will likely grow up and decide that their parents were complete full of it.

What really gets me is they lied. Repeatedly. People who claim to be Christians lied because it was the only way they would win. Appalling. I do hope that karma catches up to them in either this life or what follows.

Fortunately, such a heinous initiative that strips one group of rights sounds very unconstitutional (even though it's trying to amend the constitution), Equality Calif and several city attorneys agree. More info here, and here (page down to latest news).

I have sent them email offering to help with the challenge.

Oh and the best one liner I've seen during this campaign is:

I don't recall voting on your marriage.

Election Day: The Waiting

I have never been so emotionally involved in an election. Terri (my wife) is masochistic enough to watch the polls from day to day, and the reassuring thing is that if the polling data is correct, she figured out that unless there is massive voter disenfranchisement/fraud, there is no way that McCain can win, which I find very reassuring.

Prop 8 will be closer and this is the first time (ok second, but Prop 22 was a long time ago - and I'm too young for the Brigs amendment - which much have been just awful to go through even though it failed) that I and my rights are being put up for popular vote. That's a really weird feeling and I'm not sure how to feel about that (angry, rueful, excited, you name it). Rights are not a popularity contest, nor have they been in the past. Social progress just doesn't seem to go that way. We make ideals (equal rights for all) and then courts make us hold to those ideals (no, it's not equal rights for some). If rights were a popularity contest then think how scary some states would be. It's an easy guess that some states would still ban interracial marriage.

It's so odd. The economy is tanking, we need to rebuild our tarnished world image and you're worried that my marriage is somehow cheapening yours? If my marriage can hurt your marriage then perhaps your marriage isn't quite the bedrock that you claim it is?

My hope is that all those unpollable cellphone-only young voters are going to trounce Prop 8. On Halloween each year we're invaded by hordes of Trick or Treaters. 3 different young teenagers saw our No on 8 sign and happily said "Vote No on 8" Made me wish they could too. They will someday and our future is with them.

Today I was called a Wife

I went into Summit's palatial and brand new Carol Ann Read Breast Health Center for a mammogram. The place feels like a spa and is probably the most warm and fuzzy place on Pill Hill. But the warm and fuzziness paled compared to one moment that took my breath away.

During check in they routinely go over your record to make sure all the information is still current. The woman said "And Terri is your Significant Other?" Unconsciously looking down at my left hand I said "Well, actually we're married now." She said "Ok, let me change that to Wife." Tap, tap, tap on the keyboard while I sat there semi-stunned soaking in the moment and trying to look casual. This has never happened to me before beyond getting married.

I am married. I have a wife. I am a wife. No judgment (not that Summit ever has - they're terrific about partnered relationships). No hand wringing. No hems and haws. Nothing. Just business as usual.

I realized in this moment this is something I really want to keep and am willing to go to the mat for. When I got back, I donated more to No on 8. http://www.eqca.org.

Puzzling through Certified Mail

So I need to send that letter with some sort of delivery confirmation to that collection agency. I'm forever confused by the post office options so I thought I'd take this oppertunity to learn it as I really need to do this with Health Net next year anyway.

I thought you could just send something "Return Receipt" but it turns out with much looking at http://pe.usps.com/text/dmm100/adding.htm that Return Receipt is only an extra service of Certified Mail and there's an extra charge on top of the $2.70 that Certified Mail costs (yikes). Fortunately, my work has the Certified Mail stickers and there was someone at work who could help me affix the label properly and retain the number on the receipt that I am supposed to keep (I was just about to give up and go to the post office.) There are instructions on the label and I had figured out some of it, but there is a place on the receipt for a postmark that apparently is not necessary since the tracking number is on there.

So the steps are:
Weigh the item
Calculate the 1st class postage (http://www.usps.com can help with this)
Add $2.70 for the Certified Mail
Affix the postage using a postal machine or your PCs printer (I wouldn't bother with stamps)
Get a Certified Mail Receipt form (either your work or the post office will have these.)
Fill out the form on the right hand side of the form (this is your receipt so it is optional)
The important part
Detach the left hand side of the form fold on the dotted line and attach it to the top of the envelope on the right hand side of the return address. The fold will be along the top of the envelope. Most of the label including the bar code will be showing on the front. Oh and peel off one of the numbers and attach it to your receipt - though I notice that number is already on this receipt so that's optional too. (Could attach it to something else I guess.) I'd have a picture but it already has been picked up.

[quote from http://pe.usps.com/text/dmm100/preparing.htm]
Extra Services
Place labels for extra services above the delivery address and to the right of the return address, or to the left of the delivery address.

Here are some screen shots of my initial investigation to see if I could just get return receipt with out certified mail - nope.

SF Chronicle Trial Subs have strings it seems

I was bemoaning that my mailbox was absent of predatory lending housing refi offers. Seems those jokers have moved on. But another writing opportunity just appeared today. Cool (I think).

In January I bought a trial sub of the SF Chron to help a student in a college scholarship. The pitch was that all I would have to do is write "Cancel" on the bill and that would be the end of it. Well after doing exactly that (twice), the Chron is trying to bill me for "transportation costs." I'm feeling stubborn and I want them to honor their offer, so I've been refusing to pay the silly $16.92. Well today I got a letter from a collection agency. Ya-hoo let's see where this leads. Here's the letter I just wrote to them:

From:
Ellen Clary
[address]

To:
California Service Bureau, Inc
3050 Fite Circle #107
Sacramento CA 95827

CC: SF Chronicle Subscription Dept.

Oct 29, 2008

Greetings,

I received a letter from your company that the SF Chronicle has turned over a bill in the amount of $16.92 to you.

This is in regard to a trial subscription that the Chron failed to cancel at the time it was requested.

Order of events are:
1/9/08 I purchase a $15.00 trial subscription for the SF Chron from a prospective college
student in a scholarship competition the understanding is that when I receive a bill
that if I no longer wish to receive the newspaper that I should write "cancel"
on the bill and that will be the end of it.
1/17/08 That check (#1407) is cashed (see enc)
7/10/08 I receive a bill and return it with cancel written on it (see enc)
8/7/08 I receive another bill and again return it with cancel written on it (see enc)
8/28/08 I receive another bill (this one for $16.92), I return it with a note explaining that
this was a paid for trial sub. and no further money is due. (see enc.)
(I incorrectly state the amount in that note as $35.00, but that was inclusive of
another subscription.)
10/28/08 I receive your letter


While the money is not really an issue here, the principal certainly is (hence the cc to SF Chron). A student was led to believe that the trial subscriptions he was selling were obligation free, for that not to be the case is distressing.

My preference is that this "debt" be simply canceled as this can not be worth your time and I write about financial processes and consumer issues.

This will go out Return Receipt tomorrow. Hopfully they'll get the hint that I can waste enormous amonts of their time. We'll see if I get Consumer Affairs or the Better Business Bureau involved. I don't know if they can do anything to my credit report as they did not extend credit to me and I'm happy to document this silly thing to all of them as well.

Olympia "Mountain"

Mountain is in quotes as it's only 2968'. However if you start from 700' and do a steep climb it's an excellent training hike. Olympia Mountain is in the rear section of Mt. Diablo State Park. It's a much more obscure part of the park and finding the trailhead off Marsh Creek Rd. at all was a challenge.

Not only that, but I was able to address some up the climbing/descending issues I've been having and learned something important. I still don't really like going downhill on dirt - it's pretty dull even when I'm able to descend steep slopes safely and pain free.

I went up the less steep way as I wasn't familiar with the route so I didn't know how ridiculous the trail might get (turned out, it would have been fine.) Even the less steep way was challenging. Ascending this time I didn't push myself into anaerobic gasping but instead stayed at a ground covering but reasonable pace. When I had climbed 1100' I stopped and ate some and that helped avoid any energy depletion or crashing. Then I was able to complete the steep ascent.

My original intention was to go up to North Peak, but once I got to Olympia I realized that it was important for me to figure out how to safely descend and I wanted to do that while I still had some energy, plus I had a dinner commitment. In summer the trails/fireroads in this area are dry and gravely and the footing is treacherous for me (see photo which is looking up a hill). I have slipped and fallen many times to the point where before I found the Micro Spikes that I wouldn't hike in summer.

I had brought my Micro Spikes, and had my new Vasque boots since the Keens are not able to protect my ankles from twists on steep descents, and of course I had my trekking poles (the Black Diamond ones). And since I wasn't exhausted I also had the all important ability to pay close attention to where I was stepping, and to my body position to make sure I wasn't leaning backwards.

It all came together and worked beautifully. I was able to go down trails that I simply would not have been able to. And there were at least two times where I would have twisted an ankle but the Vasques prevented it. The trade off is that there is much less cushioning with the Vasques and my hips are telling me about it (the day after), but that is much better that a screwed up ankle.

So I did it. I have successfully addressed most of the issues that I've been having around hiking save perhaps the important at altitude one. And with all that now taken care of in my mind I've able to see more clearly the real issue. Descending on foot on dirt is really dull. Your goal is usually to climb something and the descent is just what's left over. you're usually tired so it's often the riskiest part of the climb and your head just isn't in it (which makes it more dangerous and more accident prone.)

What makes the descent more interesting? Skiing, biking, glissading, rapelling - maybe paragliding though I've never tried it. Even using snowshoes on snow makes it more fun. Dirt is well, dirt.

So this winter, I'm going to be focusing on learning to be the best skiier I can be and learning backcountry skiing as well. I'm going to be spending a lot of time at Squaw as they have lessons of all levels every hour and there's this small detail of it being an Olympic site so you know the mountain is well regarded.


I'm going to be consulting again with mountaineering trainer Courtnay Schurman of Body Results but I think instead of focusing on trying to summit Shasta I think I want her to help me train for skiing. I'm going to be up visiting my parents in Seattle where she is and I'll meet with her in person.

So this was a surprisingly instructive little training climb as it's helped my get better focused. Of course in a week this may all change but this is something I've been working out in my head for a while now. The niggling problems were bugging me and I'm glad I've come up with solutions that work for me and it's an important lesson for me that unresolved issues drive me up the wall.

I still haven't given up on summiting Shasta, but I think I want to have more skiing skills first. I will also go back to Whitney as I still haven't stood a top it (even though I've done the hardest part of the climb twice now) and that's something I'm willing to suffer a little for. But I'm going to refrain from taking on very many hard Sierra climbs on dirt as I can only tolerate a few obsessions at a time. :)

And yes I did finally find my car. The trails at the start are confusing and not as well marked as I would like.

Oh and I've sure I've done this before but I really need to rant about the Mt. Diablo trail signage. Trails are sign posted like you're driving on the freeway. They're labeled where you going to, not where you are. That's totally confusing. A hiker wants to know if they're in the right place, then the may want to know about directionals. An example is to the left, You are not on North Peak Trail. You are actually on Mt Olympia Trail (see the teeny tiny printing at the top of the sign) and you are headed in the direction of North Peak Trail and you will get there in 1.35 miles. Confusing yes?

The local UCC church fights back

In the "you started it" tradition, the local UCC church First Congregational Church, United Church of Christ (which is very open and embracing of diversity) has put up a huge No-On-8 banner and is helping its members order No-On-8 signs. I was tipped off about this as the signs started to crop up in my neighborhood and I asked about it. I was just driving by on Central to go to work which is a slightly different route than I usually take and saw the banner so went back when I had a camera.

Oh an I spoke to another member and she tells me that the two guys that put up the banner: are heterosexual.

I normally think that churches should not be involved in politics, but given that the Mormon and Catholic Churches are pretty much trying to buy yes-on-8, this seems more than appropriate. Kudos from a non-Christian.

The effect of the behavior of strangers

So I take classes at my gym, and I often see the same people all the time. Generally it's "hi how are you" typical kind of acquaintance relationship sort of thing, but sort times I see a behavior that stands out and it catches my attention. There's a woman who I see a lot who talks a lot to some of the other people in the class but will speak maybe two words to me if I ask her a question or say hello. This time she set up the bike next to me and didn't say word one which is not atypical of someone you've never seen before, but we've seen each other for more than a year, so it felt really weird.

What do I represent to her? She doesn't know me, so it's very likely nothing I've done.
I have no idea of her sexuality so I have no idea if that plays into it at all. I feel like I've walked into a play and haven't been given the lines or even the plot. Forcing the issue wouldn't accomplish anything and this is not a relationship I need at all, but not knowing still bugs me, so I write it here.

It's a good exercise for my ego to realize that I don't have to interact with every single person, and not every person wants to interact with me. Believe it or not I used to be painfully shy, so maybe I'm over compensating by wanting to talk to lots of people. I like commanding attention now and am good talking in front of people.

It's funny what buttons being deliberately ignored pushes for me. Suddenly I was back in Jr High with the popular kids paying no attention to me at all. I write this now as a way to learn to step back and not be so frustrated by it. Let people be who they want to be as long as it's not hurting anyone else.

The other button is the "lonely in a crowd" one. Where you're surrounded by people, but they're not talking. The other day I heard a description of casual carpooling where there is an unspoken rule that people in the carpool do not interact with each other. Sounds like a personal hell for me. I would be running the carpool where everyone talks and heck with conventions. (I don't really have a commute since my work is close, so I've never done it.)

My brother and sister moved out of the house while I was pretty young. I spent a lot of time by myself and it has left me permanently weird about it. I can and do spend time by myself (I often climb by myself as it's hard for me to find someone who hikes or bikes at my pace), but I can only do it for so long and then I start missing Terri, friends, and the dogs.

One reason I love dog agility is that it's so inherently social, but even starting out in that was tough as I didn't know people well. The cool thing about the sport is that you train in classes so you get to know your classmates, and for an agility trial to happen at all, they need a lot of volunteers and most of the jobs involve social interaction. It's a blast.

But I can't help but wonder if there's something I've done to offend this woman. The answer is likely that the only thing I've done is resemble some person or type to her (I can come off a bit "hard core cyclist" sometimes, but she's pretty good at RPM too so I don't know). I need to let this go. Show kindness and give her space, and not try to force anything. This is not about me.

from a brave friend in Kern County

Cool, I have other people writing my blog entries for me. This is from Celia who lives with her partner (now wife) in Kern County. As you might imagine, Kern County is not exactly a hotbed of glbt rights. It's a place I visit to go hiking/climbing in the Sierra's but I would never, ever live there. To call her brave is way understating things.

---

I was at the river today and in a state of painful exhaustion, I broke down and cried. All the ignorant and hateful energy behind prop8 just sent me to my knees in utter and complete agony. And, of course,Nature performed her healing magic. Some things are too personal to write and some things are meant to be shared NOW. I flashed on the time I was confronted by a group of skinheads, how I saw beyond the hate and saw instead a scared group of kids. Imagine that, kids with chains and clubs were afraid of me! I did a Peaceful Warrior breathing technique and visualized them moving along peacefully. It worked. Flash to the last time I saw my father on this earth, him hobbling on the beach with a cane. At first I was in panic as he was walking my direction( it had been several years since I last saw him)then an unexpected and amazing thought came to me"It's not your job" what? I snapped out of my panic attack. "It's not your job to hate him. It's not your job to punish him". I became invisible to him as he walked right past me and the monster I grew up with was just a little old man with a hat and cane. Later in a vision, I saw him as a scared kid putting his drunk, alcoholic father to bed and dealing with his mother who was nick named"crazy Hazel".At one time I fantasized about doing a "go to hell" dance on his grave, I now found myself leaving a "Thank You" note instead.He was a scared kid.Flash to me several years ago, attending Westmont(christian collage) and again, in sheer and utter desperation, begging to die and contemplating speeding the process along.I was trying to change my feelings about the possibility of being Gay. The church people had prayed over me to rid me of the "demon of homosexuality", and, as I was extremely uncomfortable with strangers touching me with strange energy, I found a way out. I did the best performance of my life and acted like I was "slain in the spirit", falling to the ground and babbling, which they took as "speaking in tongues". It worked. they backed off feeling certain that I was "healed and now heterosexual". Still at collage, I was in a "support" group where, among other odd things, a counselor checked in with me to make sure I was not "falling into temptation" by masturbating.(creepy!!!!!!!!!!) Other young women were in the group and we were given the names of famous men who were cute. the fact that they had to TELL us who was cute should have given us a clue that heterosexuality was not natural for us!Again, I flashed on these people. Again they were scared.I flashed on growing up with unspeakable abuse at the hands of both parents, one man, one woman, heterosexual and "christian". I flashed on being in a good therapy group and listening to men who were abused by catholic priests only to be told to be quiet. I flashed on a time when I taught teaching credential students how to detect abuse in children. A woman told me that, as I was telling my story, she flashed on a girl in her preschool, reported suspected abuse and was right. The little girl was protected, given therapy and is doing well, the perpetrator in jail. I flashed on how different that little girls life will be because of that intervention and everything I had gone through now had a purpose. Knowing that I have helped at least one child makes the struggle worth while. Flash to now, prop 8.

I confess that there have been times when I have not been the "Peaceful Warrior" but the "Pissed Off Warrior", flipping certain hand signals at "yes on 8" signs and endlessly arguing with narrow minded bigots who spout off the "evils of the homosexual lifestyle" ad nasium.To many nights I have awakened to arguing with these stupid people who just won't listen to reason. I've been sick and painfully tired. Another flash, when I was one of those condescending, holier than thou narrow minded bigots. I went to church since before conception and was trained to fear anything that was different.I was scared.My spiritual path has taken me on many adventures and I've done more soul searching than there are words to speak. I have been to "hell" and, I have been to "heaven". Many of these experiences are just to amazing to put into words so I won't go there. What I will say is that I know who I am and I AM OKAY!!!!!!!!!!My spiritual health is great and it has nothing to do with anything written in a book. So, I don't care what religious people spout off about. They are afraid.I have compassion for them. So, I am reminded to bring back the Peaceful Warrior, see beyond the hate and love those who appear to be my enamies.Flash on Wayne Dyer and Marianne Willamson talks. When I pass a "yes on 8" sign, I say "In spite of my feelings, I send you love".  I feel better.

My spiritual path is my own and I know what I mean by prayer, God etc. I'm not into the bearded guy in the sky thing but I respect whatever path anyone is on as well as there being no path. I can only suggest that we ban together for the good of our world and make our part of the world a little bit better. For me, I go to nature. I am soooooooo grateful to be so close to the creek and river. Also, I'm soooooo grateful to have my theatre families in Ridgecrest and now in Bako. I can't imagine going through this without these wonderful people! And, of course, my dog Scodie who provides endless comic relief. Flash again to when "GOD" showed up in a "dream". God was a DOG and answered all my questions. I look in the eyes of dogs and I do see God. Makes perfectly good sense to me!

I love you all and I send you dignity and respect. Lets hope that everyone can send the same to us, or, at least, a majority of CA voters. I have my shields up against anything other than good energy and send out only good energy.

I have written some letters to papers to try to encourage grey matter activity. While I'm not great with the computer, I'll do my best to send them.

Take care and know that there are some good forces at work. If you need a comic relief, find a dog or watch Ellen [Degeneres]!

Love Celia

Consider Voting Absentee

I previously wrote that I liked to vote at the polls as I liked to feel I was taking part in the process and it always annoyed me that the Absentee ballots were counted last if at all.

I heard very recently that nearly half of California voters would vote absentee, and that combined with the absurd number of initiatives that are on the ballot it makes sense. (I hate the initiative process - do I look like a legislator? is my job description Legislator? Most initiatives that are not put there by the legislature are placed there to steer around the legislature and manipulate the public. Beyond irksome.)

With a sample ballot, you can sit down in front of the computer and do some research on http://smartvoter.org or other site and ponder the implications of arcane legal language even if it is summarized. Normally I would then tote that into the polls, but with so many things to vote on, I fear making a mistake and stakes are just too important in this election to screw it up, so last night I carefully transferred the information to a real ballot and mailed it in.

Note to Calif Voters. That humongous ballot weighs 1.1 oz and will cost you 59 cents to mail. I'm sure they'll take it postage due, but who wants to take that kind of chance? 11pm: THIS JUST IN - Most counties have an agreement with the post office to deliver ballots even if they are short of postage - ref.

For voters in contested states where voter disenfranchisement is rampant, voting by mail is a very effective way to sidestep the crap about all the voting machines for the polling place save one are broken and you'll have to wait for hours. Plus voting by mail means no voting machine to magically switch your Obama vote to McCain (I forget the ref - think it was on dailykos, but I'm not sure.)

However you do it, be sure to vote. My preference is you vote Democrat of course.

Cautiously hopeful.

The Most Passionate No On 8 People are: Heterosexual

I've had five (now over 10) or more conversations with heterosexual (all women) friends about prop 8. And they all tell me how angry it gets them. "It's a civil right." (Meaning not up for debate at all.) They are all married or have been married or are about to get married and are so happy for my partner and I being able to get married and they are all taking the yes on 8 stuff very personally. I am so deeply touched by their passion. It's funny how you get when your relationship and orientation are not taken seriously. You get used to the institutional discrimination as fact and feel privileged to finally be allowed to get married.

And I must admit to having Eeyore moments some times in the "Oh, they're going to take it away again. Oh well." Even though I would be profoundly disappointed if 8 passed, as it means a lengthy delay while we wait for the demographics to continue shifting in our favor as they already are, so the Calif Constitution could be reamended (Calif constitution is amended and reamended all the time so, while it's a pain, there's nothing written in stone about it at all.). But I'm digressing. My point is that you get used to discrimination and you kind of expect it. I've lived in the Bay Area for 15 years and it's been so refreshing to not be treated like a second class citizen, but I'm always aware that a large part of middle American would rather see me dead or at least not there.

Heterosexuals don't feel that discrimination, yet my friends are very aware of directed at the glbt community, and since they have not had the experience of being discriminated against, it makes them really angry to see us treated in this less than human way. Where us glbt folks (I'm a monogamous bisexual actually though I don't worry about such details in the fray of prop 8) are too used to it. I need them to feel the righteous indignation that I've had beaten (not literally, fortunately) out of me.

I am profoundly grateful for our heterosexual allies.

Classmates.com - Social Extortion

Classmates.com is an evil, evil good idea. I am firmly in their clutches and I'm not sure what to do about it. Signing up is free, entering some of your info is free, reading other people's info is free. You can see who else has signed up. This is all cool, BUT if you try to communicate, they want money (pay to play if you will). i thought I was safe as I never tried to use the service to communicate, but instead made a note of the person and resolved to use another method to find them (i.e. Google, online phone books, ...)

But there's something I hadn't planned on. Someone who I went to school with is trying to communicate with me. Classmates will cheerfully send me the email, but as soon as I click on it I get a message (see image left) that basically says: if you want to read this email from Sue (her first name) pay up. They are evil in that they carefully tell me exactly who(first name, last name) is trying to send the mail and it's someone I knew. I can just hear the subtextual: "neener, neener, neener, gotcha." Which I believe the proper response is "Yoooou bahstards!" :)

It is someone I actually am curious about and I do want to see how she's doing. I'm likely going to give in on this, but not without some public whining about it here.

The problem with finding her using other methods is that her last name is common in that area (Google is finding me all sort of incorrect people), and if she's at all like she was in HS, she won't be very technical or have much findable presence on the internet, and she probably won't know how to find me - which isn't that hard at all. But I've been surprised before and she is using classmates.com. The cool thing is that at least classmates will tell me her name and if she changed it and she hasn't. She was gay when I knew her so no name change is no surprise and despite my being very used to people who question their sexuality, I can't imagine her deciding that her orientation is different, but then again she's in her 40's now and I can't imagine that either.

Obligatory No on Prop 8 Entry

The Yes on Prop 8 folks have started their deceptive advertising, so I grudging am writing about politics again.

The TV ad shows a clip of Gavin Newsom saying the [same-sex marriage] floodgates are open and you better get used to it (that's a paraphrase). That's supposed to scare us? Oh, that's right I am hardly the intended audience here given that my same-sex partner are now married. I swear if it wasn't for Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda we'd be public enemy #1 in some people's eyes.

Anyway the claim is that 4 judges went against the will of the people. Er, hello, the California Legislator approved same-sex marriage twice. Gov. Schwarzenegger vetoed it saying that he wanted the courts to decide. And sure enough the courts did decide and he certainly if fine with it and opposes Prop 8 saying that it's a "waste of time" and that there are more important things to worry about (such as a tanking economy).

So it's not just 4 judges, by a long shot. During the time in between when Prop 22 was approved (which was a very specific prop and not constitutional amendment - and I'm not going to look it up) and now, a whole bunch of younger people have reached voting age. Many of our youth have grown up knowing non-hertero people and don't see the big deal. Granted, there is still the thriving let's beat up queers section, but there appears to be a sea change in perspective (and I can't find the excellent sfgate article discussing the phenomena).

And the real heros here are some amazing heterosexuals. Gavin Newsom of course, but also Jerry Brown, our attorney general, who changed the wording of the proposition to say that what it specifically would do: that it would eliminate the right of same sex partners to marry (ref.), as opposed to something more general and flowery about defining marriage blah blah blah.

I just read that Jerry Brown says that Prop 8 is not retroactive and that those of us who are already married will still be married. Let's hope that remains irrelevant.

Respectfully Submitted,
Your Political Football

We Survived Getting Married in the Backyard

It really happened. We got married. And things actually worked very smoothly.

It took a lot of planning and key help from 2 friends Mark and Jan who agreed to be the wedding coordinators for the day and my sister who did the photography. And a lot of luck was involved. The weather was perfect, the only leaf blower on was way down the street (I had talked to my next door neighbors about the timing), the train that brought Terri's family over from Elk Grove was basically on time.

One unexpected thing that happened was that a cat snuck into the house because we had the back door open. Half way through the ceremony, Yoshi, the more nervous of my dogs, was in his crate and started barking furiously. Jan went in and he settled down. What I didn't realize was going on was there was some elaborate cat herding going on that involved a lot of closing and opening of doors. Thank you Jan.

We decided to have Trek our other dog be the ring bearer, and the risk was what was she going to do in that strange situation. She has an excellent recall, but I wasn't sure what to expect. She was perfect and brought the rings to us and then of course started to melt into the ground ("I want to stay with Mom") when I handed her back to Mark, but he picked her up and she was fine (she earned lots of treats for her trouble.)

After the ceremony, we then went to close by Ching Hua restaurant where we had preordered a whole bunch of appetizers and they could order whatever drink they wanted (sans coffee), which folks really liked since they didn't have to think about what to order and since they were appetizers if they didn't like one they could just wait for the next one.

Then we went back to the house for cake (a yummy dolled up chocolate mousse cake from local baker Boniere Bakery) and drinks.

It all worked and I didn't excessively cry during the ceremony and Terri and I were able to hold it together (Mike's advice of when in doubt slow down, really worked) and read our vows to each other outloud (and people loved the vows which was very touching to hear) and then repeat the traditional lines back that Mike (who was marrying us) said. I sometimes had to force myself to focus as I was marveling so much that it was all really happening.

Now to see what happens in the November election. With any luck we'll still be married, and will be planning some very large parties (since the ceremony was small). Oh and the cool thing about having the ceremony small was that you could treat them all very, very well.

We really are Getting Married in the Backyard

In July, Terri suggested we get married in the backyard which set in motion much angsting and activity (documented here in painful detail). Well, the ceremony is tomorrow, and as I look at the yard I marvel at what our patch of dirt has become. It's a real backyard now. The dogs in particular love the grass (rolling in it and chewing on it) when they're not tearing it up by rough housing on it. (It's established now, but still relatively fragile as it hasn't had time to develop that Tall Fescue turf toughness yet so it's actually much more pleasant to walk around on right now.)

Plus we got a lot of flowers first as plants and today I got a whole bunch of cut ones to make flower arrangements. I've discovered that if you have any artistic eye, that flower arranging is really easy to do.

And our friends and family have been so supportive mostly emotionally, but also helping out with all sort of things (even though we're deliberately keeping it to a very small almost entirely just family ceremony - with a look to a large party come November after the election.)

Now I just have to keep my head together enough to get dressed and made up tomorrow and try to keep the dogs from going completely nuts with 8 other people in the house.

Before:



Today:



Flowers:

The Ex-Homecoming Queen's Has a Gun

OMG I love Julie Brown and her novelty songs especially [Everybody Run] The Homecoming Queens Has a Gun. She's on The Stephanie Miller Show this morning and it turns out she's rerecorded the song to be about Sarah Palin: The Ex-Homecoming Queen's Has a Gun (The Girl-VP has a Gun).

It is a scream. Unfortunately I can't find Julie Brown on iTunes.

GOP chooses Sarah Palin and insults all of us

I've been avoiding writing about Sarah Palin for 2 weeks now hoping it would all blow over, but it keeps getting worse, and Move On is encouraging us all to write letters to the editor. I'll just consider this my letter to the editor.

So much has been said about Palin that it's hard to be original. She keeps proving over and again that she is completely out of step with current knowledge. She still thinks Global Warming is not human caused. She still believes that Iraq had something to do with 9/11. She's anti-choice, anti-gay, anti-evolution and thinks it's fun to shoot animals purely for sport (I'm not bothering with references - I trust you can look it up).

She was chosen not because of any qualifications, but instead purely on idealogy and because she's a nice looking woman. Never mind that this royally insults every Hillary Clinton fan, but honestly Palin is who should be insulted. Instead she doesn't mind being used - if there's something in it for her. What does that make her? Radio commentator Randi Rhodes would call her a whore for that (this isn't a letter to the editor so I get to write that, but there are plenty of men who do that as well so there has to be a better (but equally judgemental term let's hope) way to say it.)

One thing that scares me about Palin is one that is just now being touched on. If someone in her administration disagrees with her, she immediately tries to fire them. That may sort of work in small government (though it backfired on her twice - one with trying to get the librarian to consider banning books and the other with Troopergate), but every private enterprise CEO who turns to politics (not that she's ever being a CEO by any stretch of any imagination) has to learn the lesson that you can't do that with elected officials, you have to learn to negociate and compromise - that's politics. This more than a lot of things really underscores how woefully unprepared she is for life in the big leagues.

Call me prejudiced, but I want my presidental candidate to be a brilliant law professor who also does social activism and who is a caring parent, not a power mad, gun toting hockey parent and PTA member who doesn't believe in evolution and plainly isn't that bright.

I just heard that Obama has shattered fundraising records for August. Yahoo! I do so want this to be a decisive, landslide victory.

A friend just sent me the link to Women Against Palin which has a great video of the various signs that were at a recent rally. My favorite is: This Insults Pitbulls.

More Wedding Writing

There were two more portions of the wedding ceremony I needed to think about.
One is a special greeting that I wanted to be said by either Mike or I (haven't decided who yet).

Thank you all for coming today, both Terri and Ellen are deeply honored that you have chosen to join them in their marriage celebration. You are here in a ordinary backyard for a relatively uncomplicated wedding, but you are also taking an extraordinary part in history. This event simply could not have happened as recently as 3 1/2 months ago. They are grateful for your support and know that you will be with them regardless which way the legal and political winds blow. Thank you all very, very much.

The other is an optional reading. After going through several, briefly thought about writing something and decided that was too much work and far too presumptuous (it's more commonly a recognizable quote), I came across a great Diane Ackerman excerpt whose work I have admired before. It makes me smile. Though I did cut the quote off a line early as she talks about diatoms in the next line and I couldn't quite parse how small razor sharp little chips had to do with love and decided I didn't want me or anyone else in the audience pondering that.

from A History of Love by Diane Ackerman

“Love. What a small word we use for an idea so immense and powerful. It has altered the flow of history, calmed monsters, kindled works of art, cheered the forlorn, turned tough guys to mush, consoled the enslaved, driven strong women mad, glorified the humble, fueled national scandals, bankrupted robber barons, and made mincemeat of kings. How can love’s spaciousness be conveyed in the narrow confines of one syllable? Love is an ancient delirium, a desire older than civilization, with taproots spreading into deep and mysterious days."

Angsting about Vows

So yesterday we met with Mike, the person who is marrying us, to go over wedding details. The difficulty was that I wanted traditional vows and Terri wanted more original ones. I wanted traditional as I've spend more than 20 years being excluded from marriage and I want what I've been denied all these years.

Fortunately, Mike (a former priest who is now happily married) was terrific in reassuring us and laying out what the structure usually is while stressing how much flexibility there is. We finally decided with his help that we can do both. Have a non-traditional vow that we read to each other and then roll straight into the traditional vows. Sounds great but now I had to come up with something to say. Aaaaaa.

Fortunately Terri was nice about letting me stress all the while saying that it wasn't supposed to be a super stressful thing and that I could choose anything. I was flipping through various ideas and none seemed right. Then it finally occurred to me that if it didn't sound right then I already knew what I wanted to hear and I should just write it down.

Was that every a "Duh, of course silly" moment. Got a new window on the computer and started typing and had it in just a few minutes. A few more minutes of adding and rearranging and it was done. Maybe I am a writer (or just a good plagiarist).

Terri
I see the magic of your smile
and feel power of your gaze
I am awed by the brilliance of your mind
and charmed by your humor
and I know the love I feel for you is also
shared by you to me.

In this and in every setting
I give myself to you whole heartedly
With no regret or hesitation
To be a part of each others lives in marriage.

[traditional vows then follow]

Betrayed by Appetite and Metabolism

I've often been about 10 more pounds heavier than I needed to be and I've just sort of put up with it, but like many folks in their 40's, if I don't watch out, that number starts to creep upward.

So I decided that I wanted to at least lose the 10 pounds, so I would have a better margin if I got injured and couldn't exercise.

You would think that for an active person with a good diet this would not be so hard to do, but as just about anyone who's tried can tell you, it's very difficult to convince your body that yes indeed I want to burn that fat off. My body is programmed to be a certain size and it thinks it is life threatening to lose that padding, and convincing it otherwise just isn't really working.

So after trying many different (not radical - I've not really overweight) tactics, I've resorted to simply getting used to being hungry and not snacking in between meals and often not eating breakfast at all. I no longer trust my body's inclination to eat (unless I'm really, really hungry). My appetite is dialed into when I was younger and had a higher metabolism, and even with regular exercise that metabolism and appetite have not meshed. It's very difficult and not really maintainable, but it is sort of working. I'm part of the way there. Though I notice that if I give in for just a little bit the pounds go back on (though they seem to come off easier now too.)

I'm hoping to be further along on this before the holidays undo everything and I have to start over.

Wombats ride

Sat was the monthly Wombats ride (Women's Mountain Bike and Tea Society). It's billed as a mellow ride, but it's not (too much climbing to be mellow) but Jacquie has yet to come up with another description.

This is a climb/ride that I've now done 4 times. I can now do the climb without walking but I use my lowest gears which are really really low. The advantage of this is that I get to stay on the bike longer. The disadvatage is that other bikes (my bike is brand new this year) usually don't have this gear ratio and so their riders if they are able to turn the pedals at all, by necessity, go faster than me. Sure enough, I was told by one rider that she was a slow climber. And sure enough she rode away from me like I was just standing there. Sigh.

Irksome as it was, I was genuinely grateful that I was able to climb up the hill on my bike without needing to walk. There was some question there as I had a heart rate monitor on and my pulse started to climb up into the anaerobic range of 165. When that happened I did have to pause and walk a few feet (10 maybe) but my body recovered nicely and I was able to get back on. I want to work up to being able to climb in 3rd gear or so as that's about where the other bikes stop anyway. Since it's ok a bike, unlike climbing, this is something I can likely work on in a gym.

I saw a buck on the way back and I just paused for a while while he and I communed for a while (ok he ate). Annie rode back to check on me and once I pointed out the buck she in fun said we should embellish it to we saw a mountain lion take down an 8 point buck. I laughed, but said that I rooted for the deer in those cases.

On the way back I opted to go down the road where I could break speed limits without having to worry about crashing into a hiker. (Those trails are very popular.)

Unfortunately it was stinkin' hot which I really didn't notice until I got back to the car. I was fine on the drive back but the rest of the day and night was completely wiped out, which only seems to happen when I'm strenuously exercising on a hot day. All I wanted to do was lay in bed. My brain felt slow and well cooked and I could not keep my head up very long. It's a strange feeling.







On the way back down I opti

Setting Oneself Up To Fail

So I've been moping about this altitude thing since Sunday and it's taken me this long to realize that I had set myself up to fail (even though I actually did get up and back down the peak in mostly one rather miserable piece.)

It was a training hike and an experiment. I deliberately pushed my pace just to see what would happen, to find the limits, and I know from experience (which I had conveniently forgotten) that if I over-exert, I run out of oxygen and funny how everything stops working right then. This doesn't explain my difficulty on Shasta, but that may have been slightly incorrect training (or training that more included having to life my entire body weight.)

Being able to climb is fun and I tend to get carried away and go faster than I probably should. Part of the issue is that I tend to climb slower than others so I was enjoying being able to climb faster, and was trying to prove to myself that I could do it. (Sure, for a little while.)

It's tempting to redo the first part of the hike at a more moderate pace and see if I hit the wall at 7500'. My guess is that while I would probably slow down around that height, it wouldn't nearly be so dramatic. In particular, I should avoid forcing my muscles to work anaerobically (where they burn) while climbing as that may have been a factor.

Mostly I really need to stop persecuting myself about this. It's a challenge, not a character flaw - geez lighten up. I started to slip into the "Woe is me I never get to have things that are really important to me." Which is so not true.

This is all on hold till October as this Sat is a Wombats ride and the rest of the weekends in Sept should be spent prepping for our wedding.

Even though it may not help me much I am going to get an oximeter, as I love having hard data (like a heart rate monitor), and I judge myself less.

Advance Fee Scammer Reads an Autoreply

I've never seen such a thing before.

Bifriendly's (the bisexual social group that I run) email address was getting so much spam that I changed it and put an autoreply telling folks what the real address was (since spammers don't bother to read replies anyway.)

Well today the new address got its first email as a result of that auto-reply. It's from an Advance Fee Scammer. Ha!

But it gets better. The scam is about this wealthy xian convert who only has 4 months to live and wants to distribute her wealth to various religious groups and "she" located that email address from our website. Really? From a site dedicated to bisexuals and has no mention of any deity whatsoever? I think they did no such website visiting. But this person really did take the time to read an auto-reply and type in another email address and put [bifriendly] in the subject line as instructed. Wonder what they thought "bifriendly" meant?

I took the ill advised step of replying saying that I was amazed that an advance fee scammer bothered to read an auto-reply.

I need to send it on to abuse@yahoo.com (which I have done) Pity though - shame to shut such entertainment down, but these scammers can get dangerous and nasty in a hurry. I'll just have to blog about it instead. (No reply from the scammer yet.)

Ralston Peak

Where to start? Shall I chronnicle how I like/hate to torture myself or should I just write down what I set out to learn and learned instead. I'll go with the latter.

First of all the drive behind all of this is that I like to climb things. I like the physical challenge and I love the view that you don't see under any other circumstances. The bummer is that I've been having real challenges at altitude and I've been trying to figure out a way to deal with this. Also I have an awful lot in common with the kitty cat who climbs up the tree and doesn't know how to get down. Well sort of. I know how to get down I just find it a miserable, painful experience when on dirt (snow is better). If I could get a helicopter to pick me up I'd do it.

Sunday I climbed Ralston Peak (photo) which won the contest of 9000' mountains that are easy to get to (it's 9235') and semi-close to the Bay Area. The trailhead is located at Camp Sacramento on Highway 50, and took me just under 3 hours to drive there. It's a 4 mile hike in, though I wound up taking a use trail which shortened the distance, but was harder, so I went back the regular way.

I did this hike for fun and curiousity (never done it before) and to try to answer some questions about why I was having difficulty climbing. The trail starts at 6500' and climbs up to 8800' before turning off to climb the peak itself. The use trail peels off around 8200' and heads up. I started out at a very brisk climbing pace (around 2.6 mph) up a somewhat steep in places trail. I was doing great and was comfortably climbing at a pulse rate of 150-160. Then at some point in a steep section it climbed to the leg burning (anaerobic) rate of 165-170. I got through that and was ok but right around 7500' I hit a wall. Suddenly my muscles pretty much stopped working. Every step was a huge effort. What's weird was that I wasn't out of breath, and I wasn't sick. This was my experience on Shasta and it is nice to be able to replicate it fairly easily and inexpensively. This is what I came to wrestle with.

The one thing I wish I had was an oximeter to verify my theory. I've resisted getting one as well it's money and it's not like it would change my behavior and it's not really a training tool (though I may be able to turn it into one). I started to pressure breath where you take deeper breaths and forcefully exhale to get the old CO2 out of your lungs. Doing that helped and I was able to climb more but at a much more measured pace.

I came to a use trail and took it thinking it was the main trail but others thought it was and it wasn't until I was most of the way up that I could tell from my GPS that it wasn't as I was going straight up the south face and the main trail overshoots that face and goes up the less steep ridge. Now above 8000' and on a steeper non-maintained use trail, I am crawling, but had already decided that I wasn't going to stop as I'd just want to come back and, of course, I wanted to see the view from up top. Taking a break helped, but it was really frustrating watching some other hikers comfortably hike much faster. The other possibility was that it might be an endurance issue but at Shasta I'd had a night's sleep and was still slow so that doesn't seem likely.

I finally got to the top. The wind was howling and I own a huge debt of thanks to Patricia for introducing me to the Marmot Windshirt. With it I was comfortable up there and could even hang out and shoot a short video.

Then I had to hike down. The first part off the peak itself was surprisingly easy. What was hard was the long 3.5 mile slog down the steep climb with the big steps (gentle downhill is not a problem). I turned my ankle and fell and was worried about doing it again. I put on my spikes and that helped a lot and probably should have put them on much earlier. It was a struggle the whole way. Each step down took way more effort than it should have and I cried out of frustration at least once. My body was yelling at me: "why, oh why do you do this?" and I don't have a good answer for the downhill, especially downhill on dirt with big steps down (and I use trekking poles which makes it even possible.)

Good sense is telling me that I should limit most of my climbing to biking and skiing and snowshoeing (or at least hiking on snow - which is much nicer to fall on and I know how to stop "self arrest" if I fall on a snow slope), but this doesn't yet address the altitude problem. I'm nearly to the point of trying supplemental oxygen but that's not readily available.

Because I can't stop thinking about it, I ordered some more mountaineering books when I went there to order a different book. Silly but cheaper than getting hurt falling down a rocky slope.

Maybe I will get that oximeter or maybe I should just bring along that personal oxygen I already have.

But I'm not moving to Tahoe. I love it here and I'm closely identified with the ocean and large bodies of water.

If I do this again I'm just going to do up to where I slow down. That's only about 2 miles up so I would be relatively fresh coming down. Maybe after I get married - I'm still sore from this one - need time to forget and that hasn't happened yet.

[later]
Did some google research and found plenty of evidence that altitude can have a very significant effect on muscle fatigue. Here's one ref.

http://jap.physiology.org/cgi/content/abstract/85/4/1448?maxtoshow=&HITS=10&hits=10&RESULTFORMAT=&fulltext=altitude&andorexactfulltext=and&searchid=1&FIRSTINDEX=0&sortspec=relevance&resourcetype=HWCIT

They and other talk about live high - train low. Unfortunately that's not going to happen with me. For someone to see a genuine adjustment to altitude (more red blood cell) they have to spend at least 20 days at altitude and more than a month is better.

Maybe I should check out supp. oxygen. [later] I did, and affordable oxygen really doesn't last that long, but I could use it occasionally. References are many and confusing and I have yet to sort them out.

I think I would like to work on this altitude issue more just so I can ski/snowshoe/snowclimb higher.

I think I'll head to Tioga Pass Rd in Yosemite while it's still open in October and try some short hikes above 8000' with out Diamox (in case that's a factor) and with an oximeter.

Athlete for Life

I was just commenting to Terri that for me to take the best care of myself, I'm going to have to commit to being an athlete for life. If I take excellent care of myself I do really well, but, as I get older, I just don't have that much room to slack off like some do (who are actually quite few we're learning).

There's an article in the Chron today about older athletes.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/08/22/MNIE12DQV3.DTL

Which talks about how the age that you'll see people competing in the Olympics is shifting up. (The swimmer Dara Torres being a great example.) I bet there will come a day when Dara Torres current age (41) is no big deal at all.

Hopefully this phenomena will have an influence on current standards like how to calculate your max heart rate. Right now, it's 220-yourage which I know isn't accurate for me as I've pushed my heart rate that high (174 - and know I could go higher as I train with a heart rate monitor - which is an excellent training tool). While there are other alternate calculations for fit people I've found that I can get a good approximation by using my "real age" which last time I checked was about 9 years younger which for me puts my MHR at 183 which is probably more correct. I also like the mental advantage I get by thinking of myself as 37. Until someone younger kicks my butt at something. :)

The World Without US

More Olympics. I'm watching the womens Javelin final. There are no Americans in the competition so the US Media is not really paying attention so there are no commentators though it does have graphics accompanying it and Javelin is pretty straightforward so I'm not so lost. Basics are throw the javelin within the specified area and don't step on the line (a common problem).

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/player.html?assetid=at5h-bj-sd31-082108-191003&channelcode=sportat

It's actually unfortunate that there isn't commentary as it's obvious that there are stories abound in it. I would love to hear interviews with all of the top placers (A Czech, a Russian, and a German) - who clearly know each other and compete with each other all the time, and some of the ones that didn't do that well. The usual: what motivates them, how they do their training.

Some minor digging turned up this on the winner: http://www.iaaf.org/OLY08/news/kind=100/newsid=47206.html

Here is one great quote from that link that it's sad that the US media ignored:
Not only did Spotakova steal the gold from under Abakumova’s nose, she strangled her continental record almost at birth. Furthermore, she wasn’t going to be beaten by a Russian on the date that she said had been in her mind since she knew the schedule. 21 August marks the 40th anniversary of Russia’s invasion of Czechoslovakia.

Now that's something of a payback. :)

The net is making the world smaller - I love it.

BMX racing - another Roller Derby

The Winter Olympics has Short Track Speed Skating which is very much like a modern day Roller Derby (RD being a sport that claims to have rules but I don't believe it: ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4). In the Summer Olympics there is now BMX racing (ref1, ref2) which is very much Roller Derby on bikes. There isn't body checking but it happens anyway. Pretty exciting stuff (oh and it has a commentator):

http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/share.html?videoid=0821_hd_cbb_en167

The Power of the Narrator

So I've been watching the Olympics both on TV and on the internet. the cool thing about the internet is that you can watch any of the sports so you get a better variety, but on many of then you don't have any commentary. It's just like you're there with some titles and instant replays thrown in.

We often make fun of the commentary, but when it isn't there I find I really miss it. With sports I'm not familiar with like fencing, judo, shooting I am completely at sea. Sports I have some vague acquaintance with I really wanted a commentator to fill me in on what I'm missing. Especially complicated sports that have a huge history behind them like dressage. Even sports I know and have competed in like badmitton and softball I still want a narrator just to give it a feel of legitimacy maybe?

Some of the events don't really have an announcer. Taekwando actually had announcers and a very active referee and crowd which make it kinda exciting, in contrast shooting was as dull as you might expect (and I'm pretty tolerant) and each fencing match was over before I knew anything had happened. There is even a very talented American doing it so I'm surprised the network isn't talking about it.

McCain Quote: Nations Don't Invade Other Nations

Yesterday afternoon, I was casually listening to NPR and they were discussing the Russian invasion of Georgia. Naturally they talked to Obama and McCain about it and, of course, they were completely against the Russian invasion. McCain took it a step further than I would have expected him to and I'm wondering if there's any way to hold him to that.

He said: "In the 21st century, nations don't invade other nations."

I was driving in Berkeley in traffic and it was really hard to not run into someone when I was saying "WHAT?! What do you think we just did at the very beginning of the 21st century?"

What kind of special glasses do you need to be able to see what we did and what they did as different? Of course the issues are different. Our justification was nebulous at best and mostly false, Their issues are a very real territorial dispute.

Waist to Hips Ratio - a better health measure

So I've ranted here about how I really dislike the Body Mass Index (BMI) as if you're muscular you will appear overweight. It's an easy bet that many Olympic athletes in Beijing right now would be considered overweight. An example being those gorgeous male gymnasts I was watching yesterday who are relatively short, but have arms larger than my thighs. Even many of the American Gladiators would be considered overweight or even obese which is a hilarious thought.

So I was thrilled to hear of more recent (recent being relative - it's not that new) research that indicates that fat around the belly ("apple" shaped rather than "pear" shaped) is a good indicator of health risk. There is now the concept of Waist to Hips Ratio (WTHR - ref1, ref2). Simply divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement. Women with a ratio of .8, or men with .95 are at what is considered low risk (ref.)

I like this measure. It's a lot less ephemeral of a concept. Fat around the internal organs is a credible threat (an older but surprising good USA today ref)

I'm right at .8, but just barely so I'd like to take another inch off or so.

Chinese and Western Culture - Worlds Apart

A few days ago, I was listening to a radio program on KALW (I forget which program) about how China views itself (kind of a large generalization since we're talking about a billion people). The view of the person talking was that China has a self image similar to what the US had in the 1950's. The one where "Everybody loves us." and they were really stunned to learn that in the "West" (US and Europe) that's oh so not the case.

What makes me realize over and over how far apart the cultures are is that the Chinese put so much stock in shame and are so firmly convinced that's supposed to carry weight in the West. They quoted one person saying how "ashamed" they were of France around the torch relay protests. "Shame on you France." All I can think of is "Huh?" You ignore that your country steamrolls over basic human rights on a regular basis (too many refs to list), and when someone else points it out, all you can think of to say is that they should be ashamed for dishonoring China and themselves. All I can do is shake my head in amazement, we may never be on the same page at this rate.

Though I must admit I'm looking forward to the Olympics, but I always do. I think the expectation of many world records is a little high given the horrible air quality in Beijing, but we'll have to see.

Wombats Ride - Aug 2008

I owe Bladium big time (Well I guess I do pay them, but still). 1 year of spin/RPM classes and now riding up Deer Park Road and Shaver Grade (in Fairfax), is pretty much entirely doable for me. Before I would have to walk a fair portion of it. Places where before my muscles would have hit failure I was able to work through - I had this sensation that my quads were able to get more oxygen even though they were working under load. I had this sensation when I was doing the quad strength test (see last entry) and I've often had it during the RPM classes. Either that or they are working anaerobically - I have no way of telling. Though they were not burning which is usually the indication for me that they're not working aerobically.

It was great to see Jacquie again, and I met a woman named Lisa who is out here visiting and is from Brooklyn. The day was filled with things not going as planned, but with just enough of things not going as planned that they meshed perfectly. First of all I was late and made myself even later because Tom and Ray of Car Talk were amusing me so much that I forgot that I was getting of the freeway at San Rafael and fell into autopilot going up to Santa Rosa. Fortunately I had got only a few miles out of my way and was able get back on track. At the same time, Lisa who was waiting for the Wombats in the wrong location, realized her mistake and headed over to Deer Park which was the correct location.

I finally get there and don't see Jacquie which I'm only half surprised about since I'm so late (though it's not like they leave right on time either). I get the bike out and changed shoes and I notice there's a woman riding a bike slowly in the parking lot. I finally ask her "Have you seen Jacquie?" (Amongst Fairfax mountain bikers it amuses me that I can do this to just about any person on a mountain bike and most of the time they know who I'm talking about.) She says "Well it's funny you ask that." Turns out she's looking for her too. I'm familiar with the first part of the route up to 5 Corners and I was betting that if we just hang at 5 corners we'll eventually see her. We have a nice chat while we ride up to 5 corners and we were just getting ready to sit down and settle in to wait when a polkadotted dreadlocked biker appeared. "There you are!" I say, and we were all reunited. Those sort of coincidental misadventures you can not plan.

We continue on up Shaver Grade to Sky Oaks [paved] Road. Ride past the beautiful Bon Tempe Lake and continue on to Lake Lagunitas (not to be confused with the one by Stanford). Circle the lake and then head back this time staying on Sky Oaks the whole way back down.

What was fun about staying on the road was similar to going down Mt Diablo Road you can really scream down the hill and you don't have to worry about running over a hiker (or getting a speeding ticket which, in Marin, they do had out to mountain bikers). And in the same vein of you never forget how to ride a bike, the muscle memory of how to go down a hill fast on a bike doesn't disappear very quickly at all. I may have had to spend a year getting back into the shape I was when I routinely climbed mountains on a bike, but I didn't have to spend a year relearning the go downhill fast skills. though the disc brakes help a lot with better, more efficient braking power and my hands are not horribly fatigued like they used to get.

And of course we had tea and much dish afterward. I always like to hear how the bordering on incestuous Marin bike community is doing. This isn't a gossip column so I'll skip naming names.

I really like how much time Jacquie takes teaching biking skills to women. It's fun to watch her work. One thing that I found fun was that I had headed off to charge down a hill (not a beginner skill) and she was going to hang back with slower riders and do some instruction, but just as I left, I found that she had easily caught up to me to give me directions for the bottom of the hill, once she had done that (which was done at not slow speeds), she was immediately able to send me on my way and ride back up to where she had started from. Pretty talented multitasking there.

She wants to write a book for women over 50 who have never ridden a bike before (or haven't for a long time.) Given the increasing interest in exercise and alternative transportation her timing sounds right.

I tell Jacquie that I want take her skiing this coming ski season and she's all for it. I keep telling her that skiing embraces eccentricity much more so than the mountain bike crowd. (I tell her that she needs to see any Warren Miller film to see what I'm talking about.) Well this should be fun.